Thank you for your interest in the position of “New Boyfriend”. After reviewing your resume at the initial date/interview, we are in need of further information. Please fill out the below application and return as soon as possible with references and flowers.
Age:________ (Don’t lie)
Height:_______ (Yes, this is important and will determine if a second date occurs)
Weight:_______(Don’t care, but my friends will want to know)
Occupation: ___________(Meaning, an actual job and nothing like “Subway Rapper”. If unemployed, please list this honestly, as lying will only make things worse)
Please circle YES or NO to the following questions.
Smoker: Yes or No
(If the answer is YES, we thank you for your time, but are no longer interested in you as a candidate)
Football Fan: Yes or No
(If the answer is NO, we thank you for your time, but are no longer interested in you as a candidate)
Drinker: Yes or No
(please also list favorite types. This does not include ‘sweet tea’)
Cat Owner: Yes or No
(If the answer is YES, please step away from the application as we have begun sneezing)
Dog Owner: Yes or No
(Bonus points if you have the following dogs: Boxer, Bulldog, Terrier or Pug)
Passport Owner: Yes or No
(If the answer is NO, seriously, you’re applying to date me before you apply for a Passport? Why?!)
The following are Lifestyle Questions, please circle the answer that applies.
Beverage of Choice: Tequila, Scotch, Both, None
(If the answer is None, we thank you for your time, but are no longer interested in you as a candidate)
Workout : No, Seldom, Often, Everyday
(If the answer is Everyday, we applaud your efforts and are happy to cheer you on while at the Smoothie Bar)
Political View: Republican, Democrat, Independent, Other
(We’d rather you say Other, as long as you aren’t a jerk about “Your party being better.”)
Culinary Skills: Do Not Cook, Cooks Ok, Cooks Very Well, Orders Take Out
(If the answer is Do Not Cook, are you willing to learn from binging Top Chef)
Please respond honestly, as we have already stalked all forms of your social media and will confirm this with your listed references.
- How would your ex describe you as a friend?
- Why did the relationship end?
- Would you consider sleeping with your ex again?
- Do you still keep in contact with your ex?
- Who would you pick as your partner for “The Amazing Race”, me or your ex?
Please attach any material such as baby pictures, blogs, Spotify playlists or Youtube channels which may assist us during the hiring process.
***We thank you for your cooperation and will contact you if further information is needed. Or at the very least, we’ll see you at Date #3.***