I got your back, boo!

Breakups are never easy. They aren’t fun, are emotionally taxing and just suck in general. Lucky for you, you have me. I’m a professional when it comes to being there for my friends. Oh, I’m a hot mess going through a breakup myself. But I have always had a great gift of having my friends back when they go through heartache. I guess it comes from my personal philosophy of giving to others what I’d like to receive. You know, that “Do unto others..” yada yada

All jokes aside, there are times that you have to be counselor, motivator and coach when a friend is going through a breakup. There are a few things that we all should consider when being a good shoulder to lean on.

First, remember that not all break ups are the same. Just like not all relationships are the same. I would think this is a given, but I am always amazed when I hear someone say “Well, like when I broke up with XYZ, he did the same thing…” No he didn’t, Stephanie! We all love and grieve differently. And in essence, a break up is a loss. So what you went through and processed emotions, will be different from that of your friend. So remember to understand and accept that.

Second, don’t give your friend a timeline for their own healing. Read that again, and also apply it to your own life. Sure, it may take a few days, months or dare I say, years to get over someone. But that is on your friends own emotional calendar. All you can do is be supportive and honest with them. Sure, sulking for a year or more might be much. But unless you know the deep inner workings of their romance or unless the breakup involves kids or a marriage, time may heal all wounds and that time may take a while. So it’s not up to us to give a friend a deadline to deal with their emotions. But do make them bathe after the second day.

Next, sometimes your two cents isn’t necessary. If you’re like me, when you go through a break up, you think of about a million things that you did wrong. And getting outside criticism isn’t always helpful. You know what I mean. The “I told you so’s!” Judgement is criticism disguised as advice. So don’t put your negative Nancy view of love onto someone who is hurting. And finally, be present. Being there for your friend during a breakup has nothing to do with your own heartache, or crappy job or family issues. Be aware that this is their time to heal and your time to listen. I don’t say this often, but, it’s not all about you. Be a lending hand, a strong support, a warm hug and most importantly, the friend who brings over the good Bourbon.

Table for One: The Break Up

I guess when it comes to dating, you have to look at what happens when it all goes south. I mean, we really do want to believe that you meet “The One”, you move into the perfect house and live happily ever after.  But let’s be real, fairly tales as history will tell you, usually come from a tragic beginning. So with that thought, sometimes, the end is the best way to start the beginning.

The fact that I can even say these words in the part of my life as today, is nothing short of a miracle. But it comes from one simple truth, and that is quite simply, we all deserve happiness. We all deserve a love that can make time stand still. Now that might be a bit romantic, but what we all deserve is to feel love. You should never feel or live in a state of compromise, of settling, or just getting by. The Break Up is the first step to getting to what is the best thing for both parties.

You have to look at it this way, you can sit and whine and cry and bitch and moan. But what does that get you? Do you think the other person is doing the same ? Should you even care? Does it change the end result? No. So what can you do? You can take a day, one day, to look at every side, cry, eat, drink, have random sex, then the next day, you move the fuck on. Ok. So this may be a bit harsh and slightly unrealistic. But here is the truth, the break up is not the end. It may be the end of this love, but there is another love to come.

I use to think at one point after a break up, I will never find a guy better than the last. The funny thing was, after every break up, the next guy was always better than the last. I learned not to make the same mistakes, and I found myself close and closer to being really happy. So if you failed or if he failed, just imagine how great the next guy will be? The Break Up is not a death sentence, it is just the end of one phase of your relationship life. It hurts like hell and time is the only healer, but with that time comes strength, wisdom and insight.

So enjoy being at that table of one. Drink the largest drink, eat the richest food, enjoy the greatest silence and clear your mind, your head and your heart. Then, start again and this time, you will be ready for your party of two.