Good Girl

One of the things that therapy has taught me over the years, are the deep issues, traumas or unrecognized conditions that make me… me. But Smut Books, audio books and SmutTok have taught me that apparently I have a kink. I call it “The Good Girl”. Looking at it purely on a therapist stand point, one would say, that since I am an only child, I have a strong desire to please and receive validation from a job well done.

Yea. Blah, Blah, Blah, Raise your hand if you, perhaps recently discovered, that you like being told “Good Girl.” or being called a “Good Girl”? So what is it? What is the appeal? Why does it hit us in such a carnal and satisfying way? And when it is said in a low, husking, slow affirmation, why does it make our lady parts just growl? A friend of mine recently introduced me to Smut Books. And while I have read erotic books in the past (If you didn’t know that Anne Rice wrote an erotic version of Sleeping Beauty under a pen name…go get it!), I recently started listening to audiobooks.

I think it must be related to my singer background, but it’s the sound for me. The great thing about most audiobooks is that they allow you to listen to a preview before you buy. There have been several books that after listening to the preview I thought “Nope. Can’t stand the voice. He does nothing for me.” That’s because it is so much more than just saying the words, but how they are said. I have often told people in both professional and personal settings, that it isn’t WHAT you say, but your TONE.

But something about being told “Good Girl” can get you by not only the tone, but the words. They carry an air of seduction and praise. Yes, it is a Praise Kink. Like getting a lollipop at the end of your doctors appointment as a child, you receive a reward for doing a good job. Affirmations from your partner are not only so important in a relationship, but also in bed. It’s like a vocal map you give to guide your partner down the right path. We all want to know we are doing a good job and we all like to be rewarded.

But if “Good Girl” doesn’t do it for you…what does?

Movie Couple Inspiration

I don’t think of myself as a Rom-Com fan. And to be honest, most romantic movies are a bit cheesy to me. But there are a few for either story or soundtrack, I find myself enjoying. Recently I asked my fiancé if there is a movie which features a couple who he admires. I had this thought while reading a book. The couple in the book had several dynamics that I thought “Huh. I’d like that.” And rather than trying to explain the ethos of the couple to my partner I was curious, perhaps there is a famous movie couple that he admires.

Ok, maybe “admire” isn’t the right word. But have you ever watched a movie or show and thought “I like there love.” or “I want something like that.” ? Now the first thing I will say and fully admit, is that it is Hollywood’s job to make the idea of love and romance, so over exaggerated that it doesn’t seem real. I mean honestly…Christian Grey. (But full disclosure, I would love to have someone cyberstalking my bank account and just give me money and a car. Who wouldn’t?)

There are just some couples who’s love is iconic in film that you can only wish to have a fraction of it in your own life. Of all the most scene stealing, memorable, heart aching and inspiring characters in film, what couple stands out to you? Who has an earth shattering love? An endless love? A devoted love? Try this exercise: sit down with your partner and pic three couples each from movies that you admire. Talk about why their love is special. Perhaps they overcame obstacles and that is something that you want to work towards. Or maybe they proved their doubters wrong. Breakdown the dynamic of the relationship and then try to see how you can implement parts of it into your own.

Bonus points: Each of you pick your favorite movie featuring your couple, cuddle on the couch with a good bottle of wine under a blanket and do your own romantic commentary.

I must confess…I like reading smut!

When the “50 Shades of Grey” books first came out, I was working on cruise ships. Since we are very much like a small community, one young lady had the book and we soon began to pass it around our cast, taking turns reading about the exploits of the hottest bachelor in Seattle. I fell in love with the books quickly. Not just because of the cheese factor or the amazing lifestyle, but let’s be honest, the stuff was hot. Several years prior, I read a collection of books with a retelling of Sleeping Beauty by Anne Rice. It was her venture into the erotic literature world and let me tell you…your girl learned some things.

So to say I was a fan of smut, was an understatement! A good friend of mine is huge in #booktok, and is always giving great book reviews. And as much as I wish I had more time to read, I thought that perhaps an audiobook, would be a good option. I could listen to a book at work or doing my morning routine, and maybe get inspired for the blog and podcast. So I reached out to her and asked for a few smutty suggestions of audiobooks. I got some great recommendations and even some that I saw mentioned in a few Tiktok’s.

I decided on a series by Katee Robert. The first book being “Electric Idol”. It tells of a modern day Olympus, where the Gods rule various sectors of business and commerce. Now I am kind of a nerd when it comes to mythology, so I thought this would be right up my alley. The plot was exciting, the Gods have great character development, and the conflict has you from the first chapter. But let’s be honest, that’s not why I got the book. The shit was sexy AF.

I did however notice one major problem. Listening whilst at work can be pretty…uh… distracting. Robert has a way with words, I’ll give you that. You then add my desire to get work done and not be a sloppy wet mess behind my desk, and you have a recipe for a rather complicated work day. Of course it does not help that the male narrator has a voice that sounds like liquid sex, either.

I was maybe halfway through the book when I came home one day, looked at my fiance and thought “Yea…I need to do you!” So then I noticed something amazing. My sex drive got a little boost. I was inspired by what I was listening to and it definitely made its way to the bedroom. It got me thinking that maybe this could be the secret to some couples looking to add a bit of spice to their life. Smut on Tape!

I listened to another erotic audiobook that I also enjoyed and waited with baited breath for the second book in the series by Katee Robert. This time, I listened to most of it on a plane while heading out of town for work. A four day conference, away from my fiance and my vibrator (looking back I realized that was a big mistake). And if listening to “Neon Idol” at work was complicated, on a plane, wearing a mask and trying not to get turned on, was even more problematic. I finished the audiobook in three days!

The moral of the story kids, download “Audible”, check out some recommendations on #booktok and enjoy. What I love about the genre of erotic literature is that there is truly something for every one. Straight, Gay, Bi, Witches, Wolves, Mafia, Black, Asian, you name it…it’ll turn you on. But may I issue a word of caution…make sure your air pods are charged fully. I’d hate for them to die in mid sentence, fall out and an entire conference room hear about a certain God pining a woman down on a bed by her ankles.

A Girl and her Toys

A few days ago I had the horrorific experience of having a vibe die mid session. It of course was my own fault because I am the worst about charging them. Mainly because I leave them out and I hate the idea of my fiance seeing them and thinking “Oh, she’s charging Larry.” So of course this happened recently and I found myself slightly embarrassed. But not for me, but for him. I never want him to think that my toys are a replacement for him. They are however, an enhancement.

Now I fully understand that I am not like most women where using toys is not a norm. And I also understand that the idea of using toys can seem a bit defeating for some men. But I am here to get you on game for the benefits of bringing some playful vibes in the bedroom.

  • Variety is the Spice of Life: There is something to be said about knowing your partners moves, before they event execute them. And why is that? Because you have found yourself in a sex routine. That’s where a great toy can add something new to their rotation. Bringing in a little (or a large) toy for extra fun, is like when your teacher rolls out the VHS cart in homeroom. You know it’s gonna be a good day.
  • Make it for his and her pleasure: Toys are not strictly for women. Though some are marketed as such, there are many which feature dual action that both partners can enjoy. Take a look for those that are good for both men and women and give them a try.
  • It’s Getting Hot in Hereeeee: You are already hot and bothered, so why not get hotter. “The Drift” by Lora DiCarlo is my favorite warming vibe. You heard me…warming. It produces just enough warmth to give an amazing sensation causing some mind blowing orgasms.
  • Go out and Shop: If you happen to live in an area where there are adult stores, take a little shopping trip..together! It may seem awkward at first, and yes, there may be some giggles, but I believe you may be surprised at how your shopping trip ends. And be sure to ask the staff for advice. They are there to help.
  • Finally, solo play together: Sometimes the best way to explain to your partner what you like, is to actually show them. So why not do some solo play with your partner watching. Not only that, try doing this together. The visual of watching each other turn yourselves on brings in all sorts of mental, visual and sexual stimulation that we sometimes forget in intimacy. So show them what you turns you on and really pay attention, and listen, to your partner.

Cheers to 2021!

If you’re like me, you spent 2021 thinking “Uhhh, so that was cute.” And not in a good way. But you also thought that for a moment, at least it wasn’t 2020. It is sad commentary that we have to look at life through COVID tinted lenses, but here we are. So what do you do for 2022, and how can you find your own silver lining?

If you are like me, you are not a fan of resolutions. To be honest, I am not sure if I ever kept one in my life. Which is why I just say “Screw It.” But I saw something recently that did get me a bit excited and perhaps may inspire you. First, write down 5 good things you accomplished this past year. And I don’t mean, you got to try that new restaurant. Things that made you happy/proud. Then think back on those five things. How did you get there? How did you feel when it was done? How did others feel if it was something noticeable?

Then write down 5 things for 2022. Something to accomplish in one week, one month, one season, one year and that big dream goal. You know, the one you keep saying you will do one day. The one week goal can be something that you can do and accomplish at any week of the year. The same goes for your one month and one season. Don’t feel like all of your eggs need to be in your January basket. Because if you are like me, shedding off holiday food and booze is priority one for the New Year.

Next, put your goals in a place that you will see often but not get overwhelmed by. If you are able to make it a background on your phone, great. And then celebrate when you accomplish that goal. And I mean celebrate. Whether you take yourself out to dinner or get your nails done, sleep in an hour late or just cry alone in a closet out of happiness, truly recognize what you accomplished and be proud of your hard work.

One of the things I did learn this year, is that I need to start being proud of my own accomplishments rather than others being proud for me. My friends and family saw the work pay off, but no one knew the behind the scenes. The countless no’s. The articles that didn’t work or the clients I wanted to work with but never did. But those small victories, I did praise like they were big ones. Because it was a goal I had and I made it come true.

So for 2022, challenge yourself to praise the little with the large. Set achievable goals. And if by the end of the year you have met them, shout it from the roof tops! But, if you did not, do NOT beat yourself over it. Look at what you did accomplish. Look at how close you were. Maybe your goal somehow turned into another that you never planned on achieving. Either way, you woke up, started a new day and didn’t give up. Phew, that’s about as meta as I can get. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s almost Brunch O’clock and I’m sure there is a Mimosa that needs my undivided attention.

Cheers to you all and Happy New Year!

Product Review: Mixly Cocktail Company

We all know that I am huge fan of whiskey and tequila. The majority of the time I enjoy them on their own because I don’t do a lot of cocktails. And the few I enjoy, are very standard to those two liquors. I either go classic with an Old Fashioned or simple with Tequila on the rocks, splash of soda and a slice of lime. For me, I like a cocktail that isn’t too busy and tastes great.

So color me surprised when I got to try the amazing cocktail mixers from Mixly Cocktail Company. This woman owned brand specializes in creating mixers with fresh, high quality ingredients, that not only smell amazing but taste amazing. There is no juice from concentrate, so you get a crisp taste as if you made the mixers in your own home. And what’s even better, they work great with or without alcohol.

I had the pleasure to chat with Founder Johnna Rossbach about her brand. Created with friends, they wanted to create a business and a brand surrounded by fun. Big fans of cocktails, they noticed that the mixer category was a bit outdated. So along with their mixologist friends, Mixly was born. What I also love about this brand besides the taste, is that it is helmed by a woman. When asked how she felt about being in the boys club of liquors, Johnna said “I’m so proud to be a female owned and operated brand in a male dominated category. The tides are changing. Retailers are starting to understand they’re missing a critical female perspective, and when they add female focused brands, they sell.”

Johnna and her team sent three of their mixers to enjoy. The Strawberry Pomegranate, Pear Honey Vanilla Lime and Grapefruit Jalapeño. Since I received them in time to enjoy while recording an episode of my podcast, I made a cocktail for myself and for my fiancé and co-host. For him I used the Pear Honey Vanilla Lime and mixed it with Gin. I finished it off with a splash of Elderflower liqueur for a added touch of sweetness. This drink tasted like summertime and was crisp as it was delicious.

For yours truly, I used the spicy but not overpowering, Grapefruit Jalapeño with vodka. Because there is a little kick, I added tonic water to top off my drink. And since I love raspberries, a small splash of Chambord. If you like a bold cocktail, this is the one for you. Side note: we both can’t wait to try the Grapefruit Jalapeño with Tequila. I’m thinking a touch of Grand Marnier as well!

What is also cool about all of the Mixly Cocktail mixers, is they taste just as good with or without alcohol. So if you are doing Dry January, snag a bottle and use with tonic or soda water or with an NA based cocktail. And since it is the season of giving, if you would like to grab a bottle and get a discount as well, you can use my code DESIREE15 on their site at checkout ( Be sure to give them a try and get creative on your own. As always, drink responsibly. Cheers!

Drunk and Dating

It is no surprise that I enjoy a good cocktail. Or cocktails. Or shots. Or whiskey. I enjoy drinking. The social aspect of it. The taste of it. The relaxation it brings after a hard day. I have found that at times, it can greatly improve a situation. Like a date. Be it good or bad, I can always relay on my friend Jameson or Patron, to either get me through a mindless hour of boredom, or ignite a game of “Truth or Dare”.

I also argue that I have made some truly questionable decisions while under the influence. For example, going on a date in the first place. Alcohol by nature, is actually a depressant. Did you know that? *Mind blown* All those times we thought that “Liquid Courage” was a thing, or at least that thing that got us dancing on a bar, it’s all more so in our heads. Because alcohol is really a downer. Who knew?

But I do argue that a good drink can make a date entertaining. Whether you imbibe or not, here are a few tips to enjoy a date with or without booze:

  • Stay Sober: I know you thought I’d jump into it with “Order a Pint.” But no. If you prefer to really get something deep and meaningful from your date, try not drinking. And for those of you who don’t drink in general, make sure to let your date know that. But don’t be a jerk or judge your date if they choose to have a cocktail. Or two!
  • It’s a Marathon, not a Sprint: Meaning, pace yourself. Don’t knock out two shots and a beer in the first hour. Especially if you find that you’re having a great time, spread out your cocktails. Sure, this may mean you are going at a slower pace, but a messy drunk is never fun. Especially on a first date.
  • Find a Common Drink: Here’s a great way to start a date, especially if going into it, you know your date enjoys drinking. Find out their favorite cocktail. If it’s also something you enjoy, maybe try a different version together. It can be a great conversation starter. And bonus if you both like it.
  • Make Suggestions: I hate gin! I just can’t get into it. But I appreciate trying new things. If your date has a similar apprehension and they are open to taking a walk on the wild side, why not offer a suggestion? Be sure to offer to pay if they don’t like it, so there’s no pressure in paying for something they don’t enjoy.
  • Get your Waiter/Bartender involved: This final tip is for the date that is going super well and bonus, there happens to be a cool waiter/bartender. Let them know that you’re having a great date so far and you need a drink made special for you and your date. Bartenders love to be creative and if you tip well, they can really make it a fun night. Shout out to my fellow bartenders who also make darn good matchmakers!
Smiling couple having drinks at bar

In the end, have fun and be safe. Be sure to drink tons of water and make sure your date has a safe way home. If you’re lucky you’ll be having another round of drinks on date #2! In the meantime, Cheers!

In search of a sugar daddy

Years ago, I came across a website called “Seeking Arrangements”. I found it after watching an episode of one of my favorite MTV shows “True Life”. The episode tackled the lives of Sugar Babies. I am sure you have heard the term in some form or fashion over the years, so I won’t bore you with the details. But what I will say, is that ever since watching that episode, I have been fascinated by the Sugar Baby/Daddy lifestyle.

So in my fascination, curiosity and small level of desperation, I signed up for the site. Don’t judge me, it was for “research”. The premise has single men or women looking for a “baby” that they can spoil, support or “sponsor”. The term “sponsor” was what really drew me in. A man, who has never met me, is willing to give me money for things. It could be clothes, jewelry, shoes, etc. On the site, you also have a variety of other “sponsorship” or support. Rent, travel, house hold bills. It all seems too good to be true.

Or is it?

At it’s core, the sugar baby/daddy lifestyle is about companionship. Yes, there are those that have a certain level of intimacy, but what I did find most often, is that a “daddy” wanted someone to spend time with or accompany them on trips and events. So why the money? Why pay me for it? It does give off a vibe or prostitution. You’re trading yourself for some form of income or gifts. But there are other cases where the gifts are truly just that, no strings gift.

Some men and women (yes, there are Sugar Mamas) enjoy lavishing their babies with actual gifts. I was talking to a friend of mine recently who told me about a guy who got her some gifts recently. He enjoyed making her happy. I don’t think they have ever met, but both people got something out of it. My friend got to buy some great clothes, and the benefactor had the knowledge that he was making her happy.

Around the time I started to dive into this article, a guy on Instagram reached out to me about being his sugar baby. It sounded a bit like a scam. You know…wayyyyy to good to be true. Scammers also live in this world like any other world of dating. It’s easy to waste someones time and very dangerous when you are luring them with money or gifts. I called said scammer out and to my surprise, he was annoyed. That’s ok dude, I don’t really want to fall for your Nigerian money scheme.

But over the years, I have known several friends who have had successful “sponsored” relationships. In only one case, was a sexual relationship involved. The others enjoyed gifts, money and other perks. I’m not gonna lie, I wouldn’t mind being showered with gifts, but at what cost? Must I entertain you? Do I need to pretend to care about your daily life? Do I want to be nothing more than arm candy? Is an Hermes purse worth my time and dignity?

I’m still very curious, so if you’ve ever been involved in such a relationship, I’d love to know your thoughts. Calling all babies and sponsors!

Love and four legged friends

Sometimes the internet wins with pairing you with just the right content. I’m not talking about the heartwarming military homecomings or the kids who accidentally swear in front of their grandparents. Although if you send those to me, I will always watch them and laugh. No, I’m talking about something that crosses your social media path and make you say “Why didn’t I think of that first?” For me, that was meeting Sheryl Matthys, the Founder of FetchaDate.

After a few tweets back and forth, I asked Sheryl if I could interview her because I thought her app was brilliant. FetchaDate pairs singles with other like minded individuals who love their pets. You can either have a pet, or be in between pets. And it’s not just for cats and dogs, any pet is accepted. The gerbil, the hamster, the cute and cuddly python. Is that a thing? Well for another python owner, it is! FetchaDate acts like other dating apps, where you create a profile and matches can be found based on age, gender and geography. But what sets it apart from other dating apps is having your pet be the focal point and acting as your…wait for cuteness..WING PET!

FetchaDate originally started as “Leashes and Lovers” in New York City. Matthys, who is originally from the midwest, found NYC to be, not the warmest town in the world. That all changed however when Sheryl got her first Greyhound. She noticed that the city began to be a bit more friendly. People were more engaging with her and her dog. “Leashes and Lovers” then grew into meet up groups in trendy cocktail bars, a successful book: “Leashes and Lovers: What Your Dog Can Teach You About Love, Life and Happiness.” and to its current incarnation, the app FetchaDate.

What Sheryl noticed was that there was a market for singles looking for love, who also loved their pets. During our interview we laughed at how some people have to understand that as a single pet owner, your home may have poop in a corner, or hair on your jacket, or a four legged friend who sleeps in your bed. For non pet owners like myself, this was a hard part of dating for me. Meeting a great guy who would then go on and on about his Boxer, and how I could absolutely care less. But for singles who share a love for their pets, much like a parent to a child, finding someone who shares the same passion can be hard.

Matthys mentioned that some of her former “Leashes and Lovers” friends would comment that they wouldn’t bring a date around their pet until a few dates in. Almost to act as an emotional protector. If you don’t like my cat and my cat doesn’t like you, then its “Sayonara”! What sets this app apart from others in creating meaningful connections and having those connections made through your four legged friend. Or your winged, scaled, hard shelled companion.

I can’t tell you how many singles I know who are unable tell you the last great date they had, but can show you the last three videos of their dog doing the most hilarious thing in the world. That’s the beauty of pets, their unconditional love. It’s what we as humans are yearning for. FetchaDate recognizes that in this ever changing dating world, in order to find meaningful connections sometimes we have to take our phone for a walk. And hope he plays well with others.

You can find FetchaDate in the app store for iPhone and Android.


Google Play:

Ohhh Stop! No seriously, Stop!

Here’s a novel idea. If you don’t tell your partner what you want, it probably won’t happen.

Ok. That’s it. That’s the post.

No seriously. Let’s talk about sex, baby. It came to my attention that sometimes, we have a hard time vocalizing what we DON’T want in the bedroom. If you think about it, it almost comes natural to mention what you do want and like. It’s evident in our body language or a moan, or in my case as a singer, a very high F sharp. But how do you approach something your partner does in bed that you don’t like? Here are five tips to uhh…encourage different behavior.

Tip #1- Highlight their talents.

This is kind of a no-brainer. The best way to get what you want is to highlight, what they are doing well versus what they aren’t doing well. It’s almost like sex reverse psychology. “Ok, she likes her neck kissed on this side more. Ahhhhh! Noted” It’s much easier to go the route of what they are doing right, than attacking what they are doing wrong.

Tip #2- Timing is everything.

Depending on the act, I think it’s key to mention the transgression when it happens. Now, this works for a super responsive and very secure partner. Sometimes it’s hard to take constructive criticism while in the heat of the moment. For others, it works best to talk post coitus. “Hey, I know you like XYZ, but I’d appreciate if you did ABC.” This can sometimes lead to a deeper conversation about what you both need more or less of in the bedroom.

Tip #3- Be hands on.

Literally. Guide and direct your partner in the manner and space that you enjoy. I remember doing this once and he get so turned on because he for one, didn’t see it coming. And two, thought it was hot that I was taking charge. I wasn’t trying to take charge, I was just trying to guide you down the right way of the street, buddy

Tip #4- Be Honest.

I know. Another no-brainer, but perhaps one of the most difficult. Have an open and honest and I do mean, honest, conversation about what you enjoy in bed. Go deep and talk about no just the WHAT but the WHY. “I get turned on when you do this, rather than that, because..”. If you give some back story about your desires, it makes asking for it, or a change, more understandable.

Tip #5- Remember Mars vs Venus.

Finally keep in mind that we treat this conversation VERY differently as a man vs a woman. For most women, we hear the comment, make the adjustment and proceed. However for some men, it can come across as extremely harsh criticism. Especially if your “Alphabet Technique” is something you’ve been doing since High School and every girl loves it. There are also some women who could take addressing their short comings as personal attacks, and some men who might see it as a delightful challenge. Either way, recognize that you both may communicate differently and be open to listen.

At the end of the day, sometimes it’s time to teach that dog a new trick. You can only be entertained by fetching a bone for so long.