Down with the Swirl

Down with the Swirl

Once upon a time, a black woman named Mildred and a white man named Richard fell in love. They shared a bond that only two people in love could share, and decided to make the ultimate leap by getting married. This not only cemented their bond but showed the world of their undying love for each other. It was also illegal. The year was 1958.

The Loving V. Virginia case was one that I heard about only as side note in history classes and recently in a handful of movies. But it was something that I knew was of a great importance from my own family. My grandmother was put up for adoption because her black mother and white father were not allowed to marry and keep their only child. When my grandparents divorced, my grandfather married a white woman from Virginia. The couple raised me for 13 years. When my mother divorced, she married a white man from Florida. My stepdad would become the father figure that I always wanted.

Interracial relationships for me are not only a big part of my family, but it is a big part of what I have seen first hand in successful relationships. Yet, I still feel the need to explain my preference in dating outside of my race. I do not however, take for granted that if it weren’t for people like Mildred and Richard Loving, my grand parents and parents, I wouldn’t have the dating and relationship luxuries that I have today.

So what does being “Down with the Swirl” really mean? Most automatically associate it with a black man or woman dating a white man or woman. In actuality, it can be almost any relationship where the person dates someone of another race. In the United States  the most common interracial relationships are Blacks with Whites, with Hispanics and Asians being the next most common ethnic groups. In 2015, 50 years after the Loving case was heard by the Supreme Court, 17% of newlywed couples were interracial, versus 3% of interracial newlyweds in 1967. To learn more about the rise in interracial marriages in the United States, check out this article by Pew Social Trends.


With the rise of interracial marriages and interracial couples appearing in mainstream media and films, it is no wonder that more people are finding love outside of their own  race. This has also created a market of social media brands and websites that cater to bringing people together of different racial backgrounds. One such brand, Swirl Date, connects people through social media. The impact that social media plays in not only finding love with different races, but supporting it, can even be felt in recent campaigns to create interracial couple emojis.

Now more than ever the acceptance of these couples is one that gives hope to our future. No longer is dating outside your race illegal or taboo. There are still a few challenges on a personal level. Family and friends not being open to the idea, random side looks and comments by strangers. However, if we learned anything from Mildred and Richard Loving, it’s that, love sees no color.


Have Passport, will Travel!

Have Passport, will Travel!

Not many people think of comedic actor, Bill Murray as a wise sage, but I do. He once said “If you have someone you think is the one, take them and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you and travel all over the world, to places that are hard to reach and hard to get out of. And when you land at JFK and you’re still in love with that person, get married.”

For someone like me who has done a great deal of traveling and loves it as much as I do, finding someone to share those experiences with, is a big deal. And the older I get, and the more Wanderlust that settles into my soul, an ideal travel buddy is of utmost importance. If you have never traveled with your significant other, I highly recommend it. I have done several trips, some small, some major with someone I was involved with. My experiences have ranged from slightly stressed, enjoyable, fun and non-eventful.


But to me, the perfect travel buddy is someone who has the same sense of adventure as you. Perhaps you like different cultures and you want to educate your partner about them. Maybe you both love trying new foods, and the idea of Puffer Fish sushi doesn’t scare you as much as it would to the average human. Or maybe waking up at an ungodly hour, just to hike up a Hawaiian peak to watch the most glorious sunrise, is something that you dream of. In a perfect world, you want someone you can fly coach with, or at the very least, join the Mile High Club. I’ve actually always wanted to pack a suitcase, go to the airport with my significant other and buy a ticket right then and there. Destination TBD!

However you choose to travel, the moral of the story is…GO! There is too much to see and do in this world. There are also great destinations in your own state, so explore them. What matters, is taking the time and the pleasurable risk, to step out of your comfort zone and experience new things with someone you care about. You will be surprised what you learn about each other and you will enjoy the memories that you both will share. In the meantime, my suitcase, passport and I are anxiously awaiting the right guy to travel to Bali with. Bonus if you enjoy moonlit swims in the nude!

Resolutions vs Promises

Resolutions vs Promises

My first post of 2018 has me doing something that I love…watching football. As with every New Year, people are faced with the task of creating a New Years Resolution. A resolution that in most cases, are broken or cast aside by January 10th. But instead, I like that at this moment I am doing two things that I love, watching football and writing. At the end of the day, I’d rather make a promise versus a resolution. And I want that promise to be sincere and to myself, for me, and no one else.


So here are my promises for 2018:

  • I promise that I will work hard on finding joy in the little things.
  • I promise to eat every carb that I want and do every shot that I desire, and not feel guilty about it.
  • I promise to not be so hard on myself. I mean, you’re trying and that’s all that matters.
  • I promise to remember what the badass Jen Sincero said: “You have to change your thinking first and then the evidence appears, not the other way around.”
  • And finally, I’m not going to promise you a “New Year/New You” that’s a cliche. But I will promise you are going to have some highs and lows, but you are going to make it through, like you always have…like you always will. Because I promise…you’re a bad ass!




The Corruption of Youth

The Corruption of Youth

I woke up today at 11:30 am. Blissfully half naked and slightly hungover. And while scrolling through Facebook, I noticed that most of my friends have children who were starting school today. I wondered how they spent the night before the first day of school for their kids. Yours truly spent it corrupting the youth.

I went back to a place where I use to host karaoke. A fabulously fun bar in my hometown which is the perfect little college town. Accompanied by a dear friend who embraces my level of debauchery, we proceed to have a few drinks before karaoke starts. And all he could mutter with a devious smile was “I know you, and I hate you so much right now!” Innocently I asked him what he meant by that comment. “You are about to Corrupt the Youth.” he said, and then listed about 5 different scenarios that  would potentially occur that night. (I am happy to report however, that only 3 of the 5 actually occurred.)

You see, being of a certain amazing age, and having enjoyed my time playing in the Cougar Pond, I realized my new found charm. The Youth are a wonderful group of man boys who simply must, be taught. Well, “trained” would be the more accurate term. There may or may not be a video of me singing AC/DC’s “Shook Me All Night Long” to a young lad whilst sitting on his lap. Afterwards, he and his friends looked at me with a sort of carnal curiosity. And I could not help but smile.

“You’re welcome, youths.” My friend, no longer shocked by anything that I do, looked at me in awe and very little surprise. The point of this little tale, and my current hangover headache, is that I in no way will apologize for being the amazing chocolate goddess that I am. Some people have their thing, their charm, their own appeal and others will find that intimidating. Some will even be jealous of it. But from this point on, I know longer feel the need to explain it or apologize for it. No one was hurt, no one died, the world continued to spin on its axis and little kids went to school today.

So here’s what I want you to do today dear reader…the key to my boldness, my approach of life, my “corruption of the youth” last night is a simple one: do that thing that brings out the inner awesomeness in you. It’s usually something that scares the crap out of you. The scarier, the better. And when you wake up the next day, slightly embarrassed and/or hungover, laugh. And never ever apologize for it!

An Observation of Beach Mom

An Observation of Beach Mom

I live in Panama City, Florida. Home to some of the most gorgeous beaches and playground of regret for college Spring Breakers. With the beach so close to me, I make it a point to go to my sandy backyard at least once a week. But now with school out, my normal less busy beach is home to families on vacation. And with families on vacation, that means kids on the beach, which means an increase in “Beach Moms”.

If you are new to my blog let me state two very important facts. 1) I do NOT have kids. 2) I plan on NEVER having kids. That being said, I do like them (in small doses). And I am a huge fan of my god children, who happen to be pre-teens. I don’t know what it is, but pre-teens love me and I genuinely like them.

For me, a day at the beach involves various beach staples:

  • Chair
  • Umbrella
  • Tunes
  • Sunscreen
  • Snacks
  • Alcohol
  • and backup alcohol

I try to find a nice spot, near the boardwalk, close to the bathrooms and far far away from kids. I do this for the childs protection. “Beach Des” is a loud, fun, bodacious woman who embraces the relaxation that a day on the beach brings. This is the opposite of “Beach Mom”.


I use to look at “Beach Mom” with her kids, 4 large beach bags, strollers, sand pail, snack packs, sunscreen, backup sunscreen and sippy cups with slight annoyance. “Great. Now I need to watch what I say, turn down my Ludacris on Pandora station and not do this shot of Patron while she is next to me.”

“Beach Mom” looked exhausted by the time she made it to the beach with kids, gear and husband in hand. She hasn’t even unpacked her summer arsenal and already, the beach has won. What was supposed to be a relaxing day out in the sun, has turned into day care with sand. The kids are screaming, there is never enough sunscreen, husband is attempting to set up the umbrella whilst wrangling a child and “Beach Mom” has just realized she forgot something that she desperately needs.

Once the entire tribe has unpacked and taken their spot (which is ALWAYS within ear shot of me) “Beach Mom” can finally “relax”. RELAX? Gurlll! I’m exhausted just watching that. And what is her reward? Photos on Instagram to show how much “fun” she had?

Sunday Funday on the beach! #vacation #panamacitybeach #family #blessed

No! NO! “Beach Mom”, you deserve so much more than that. Yesterday I saw one of these lovely creatures and I thought “I shouldn’t be annoyed at her. And I don’t feel sad for her. I want to help her.” I want to cheer her on when she has five minutes of consecutive silence. Or when her husband is far out in the water and she can check out the hot Lifeguard without judgement. I want to crank up the music when Nelly’s “Hot in Herreeee” makes her head nod and reminisce about her college years when she was sans kids. I want to dump that Yeti tumbler of Coke out of her hands a replace it with straight Vodka. And for the super stressed “Beach Mom”, I want to give her a shot of tequila…and maybe a Valium.

The “Beach Mom” and “Beach Dad” (I have seen this in action and it does exist, so shout out to you dudes!) realize that when they see me, they daydream of a beach day with quiet, sun, booze and snoring to the sound of the waves. They perhaps are slightly envious of my high level of relaxation and carefree fuckery. In the words of one of my idols, Lil Kim “If I were you/I would hate me, too”

So to “Beach Moms” everywhere I say to you, don’t forget that you are still a stone cold fox, in a swimsuit on the beach. The beach is meant to be fun and enjoyable and you freakin deserve that TOO! The memories that you make with your family will last a lifetime, so does regret. So go out there with clan in toe and a tumbler full of Margaritas and enjoy the beach. And I promise, if you make camp next to me and I can see that look in your eyes, that look of frustration and defeat, I got your back. This shot of Patron and Outkast song goes out to you!