The Art of the Kiss

The Art of the Kiss

I always thought that a good kiss was like a good handshake. You want it to be memorable for all of the right reasons. When it comes to a first date, the kiss is always my favorite part. Rather, the anticipation of the kiss, is my favorite part. Do you kiss? Do you not? Should it be a peck? Should it be slow? Should I tilt my head to the left or right? A lot goes into a kiss, even more goes into a memorable one. Here are my top three memorable kisses. Whether it was the person, the location or the actual kiss themselves, these three are forever etched in my mind and softly forever on my lips.

The Nervous Kiss

I never, ever get nervous before a kiss. But for some reason, the thought of kissing this guy made me beyond nervous. So much so, that I stopped at a store to get candy. Why you ask? It was my opening line to get the kiss on the table. “Oh, your lips are blue now. I’d hate to get that on my lips.” I know, pathetic right. But it worked.

This was our second date and it started like the last, with tons of laughter. I realize now that my nervousness was based on the fact that I really liked this guy. I enjoyed his company, he made me laugh and he never made me feel like he was out to sleep with me and move on. But I will still so nervous, and I think he knew that. I admitted that the candy was a ploy and I hoped he didn’t think it was silly. Instead he laughed at me, pulled me in slowly and gave me the softest, sweetest kiss I ever had.

I remember looking at him, and we both just smiled. We continued to have amazing kisses for over a year before the relationship ended. But even to this day, whenever I see a blue Push Pop, I can’t help but smile.


The Passionate Kiss

I’m a fan of jerks because they are usually really good at something. And while there is no denying they are jerks, there is also no denying that they are damn good at whatever there “thing” is. Ok, so I shouldn’t say that he was a jerk because he did anything wrong. He was just that confident guy who knew his shit didn’t stink. They are also another personal fave of mine because bursting their very over inflated balloon is one of my all time favorite past times.

On the second date, while it was lightly raining and standing next to his car, he grabbed me for a full kiss. I must clarify that the “grab” was also the reason this kiss was so damn good and highly passionate. I had on a string tank top with a string bra that he GRABBED with both hands nearly tearing them off my body and landed one on me. I was beyond shocked. For one, I was terrified he was going to ruin one of my favorite Victoria’s Secret bras. And two, I could tell that he could care less. He knew that he was giving me an award winning kiss. Again, a jerk knows what he’s good at, and he’s very proud to show you. This was also the last time I kissed him. Living the life of a traveler means I am usually never in one place for very long. But if I make it back to the beach, I may need to give him a call.


The First Kiss

The First Kiss I feel is the deciding factor if Date #2 happens. On our first date, a date which by the way lasted five hours and had us taking a lovely stroll around town and singing show tunes to each other, we ended it with a kiss.

Side Note: I just realized that all three of these kisses happened while leaning next to cars. So maybe I just like being on the hood of a car ala Whitesnake.

You ever have a kiss where you lose track of time and partial feeling in your legs? Yea, that’s what happened. We attempted to walk away so that we could both leave and go home, several times. But each time one of us would smile which would make the other smile. And then…well then our lips took over. Each kiss was soft, lovely and full, warm and sensual without being too sensual. I finally decided to be an adult and say that we would kiss one more time and that I was WALKING AWAY after that.

I know what you’re thinking, I have the will power of a Kardashian at NBA All Star Weekend. But I am proud to say, that is what I did. We kissed for the last time, and I turned on my heels, and walked away. Dammit, if I couldn’t stop smiling though. As I crossed the street still feeling like I was in a movie, I turned to have a quick look at him. And to my surprise, he turned as well, giving me this amazing smile and delightful wave. When I went home, that kiss was on my mind for the entire evening. We have had a few kisses since then, and an amazing breakfast. But that First Kiss will probably be the measure for all other First Kisses.

In conclusion, as I told a friend today, perhaps I will need to kiss 100 frogs until I get to my one prince. I promise by the end of this journey, I will be that much closer to that ONE perfect kiss. Until then, remember what Ingrid Bergman said “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”


Down with the Swirl

Down with the Swirl

Once upon a time, a black woman named Mildred and a white man named Richard fell in love. They shared a bond that only two people in love could share, and decided to make the ultimate leap by getting married. This not only cemented their bond but showed the world of their undying love for each other. It was also illegal. The year was 1958.

The Loving V. Virginia case was one that I heard about only as side note in history classes and recently in a handful of movies. But it was something that I knew was of a great importance from my own family. My grandmother was put up for adoption because her black mother and white father were not allowed to marry and keep their only child. When my grandparents divorced, my grandfather married a white woman from Virginia. The couple raised me for 13 years. When my mother divorced, she married a white man from Florida. My stepdad would become the father figure that I always wanted.

Interracial relationships for me are not only a big part of my family, but it is a big part of what I have seen first hand in successful relationships. Yet, I still feel the need to explain my preference in dating outside of my race. I do not however, take for granted that if it weren’t for people like Mildred and Richard Loving, my grand parents and parents, I wouldn’t have the dating and relationship luxuries that I have today.

So what does being “Down with the Swirl” really mean? Most automatically associate it with a black man or woman dating a white man or woman. In actuality, it can be almost any relationship where the person dates someone of another race. In the United States  the most common interracial relationships are Blacks with Whites, with Hispanics and Asians being the next most common ethnic groups. In 2015, 50 years after the Loving case was heard by the Supreme Court, 17% of newlywed couples were interracial, versus 3% of interracial newlyweds in 1967. To learn more about the rise in interracial marriages in the United States, check out this article by Pew Social Trends.


With the rise of interracial marriages and interracial couples appearing in mainstream media and films, it is no wonder that more people are finding love outside of their own  race. This has also created a market of social media brands and websites that cater to bringing people together of different racial backgrounds. One such brand, Swirl Date, connects people through social media. The impact that social media plays in not only finding love with different races, but supporting it, can even be felt in recent campaigns to create interracial couple emojis.

Now more than ever the acceptance of these couples is one that gives hope to our future. No longer is dating outside your race illegal or taboo. There are still a few challenges on a personal level. Family and friends not being open to the idea, random side looks and comments by strangers. However, if we learned anything from Mildred and Richard Loving, it’s that, love sees no color.


A Tale of Two Bumbles

A Tale of Two Bumbles

While I never encourage my readers to make the same mistake I did, I DO encourage you to enjoy the mistakes you do make…because they make for great material. I am a fan of dating apps. They are equal parts entertaining and depressing. Sprinkled with a bit of bizarre fascination that I have on the subject of dating, and you have the makings for an interesting social calendar. In the past two months, I have found two vastly different subjects on the matter. Both professional, both handsome, both head scratchingly at odds with my expectations. Perhaps that is the tragic irony, reality is far more disappointing than our imagination.

Bumble #1 was by far the most adorably kind of the two. I pulled out some player worthy moves with homemade dinner. Full disclosure: my steak could have been better, but the asparagus was on point. After a few glasses of pinot, and nice conversation, the night was coming to an end with a viewing of one of my favorite movies. Then, perhaps the nicest thing I could dare imagine on date occurred. He asked for permission to kiss me. You read that correctly, he ASKED!

The raging Type A Diva that I am loved everything about this. It was a great kiss and everything else to follow, was great. No seriously, it was great! The next day I must have said about five times to various girlfriends “He’s such a sweet guy.” or “He was such a gentleman.” Cut to my surprise days later when I…never…heard…from….him….again. No seriously…never. The “Good Guy” myth was forever blown out the water by the failed communication of its leader. While I don’t necessarily encourage sleeping with someone one on the first date (lol), I do make the rare exception. Apparently, this was one time I should have stuck with my better judgement..and never trust a man who does’nt drink.




Bumble #2 is part of a new class of men I have found a slight fascination with- The Young Ones. Eager to please, hopelessly optimistic. While I am proud to be a teacher in many respects, in others, I simply lack the patience. My grandmother once told me “Never love a man who roots for a rival team.” She was a die hard Dawg fan, and her wisdom rings true even today. Bumble #2’s winning quality was his ability to make me laugh. Bonus points: his access to Tequila. And as we all know, tequila has never done me wrong.

As I sit here today, I can’t put my finger on it…exactly. What was a miss? His saunter approach to kissing me? No- that was some “A” level kissing. Was it his youth? His charm? His ability to make me feel like the greatest inconvenience to his day? Or maybe, just maybe, his appeal didn’t match the version that I assumed I would meet. Hell, maybe it was an off day. We’ve all had them. The hair doesn’t lay right, none of your clothes look good, your penis isn’t working at its normal Spartan level of manliness.

The moral of the story is, sometimes the image we have of not only ourselves but of others, can be…wrong. The Good Guy may want to do inappropriate things with you, but never show you off in public because of your political views. And folly is lost on the Youth, and so is charm. Perhaps the wisest choice is to stick with the person who makes you smile, or at least makes you pause and enjoy the simple things. Like a slow dance on a sidewalk, in a small country town somewhere in Georgia.

New Boyfriend Application

New Boyfriend Application

Thank you for your interest in the position of “New Boyfriend”. After reviewing your resume at the initial date/interview, we are in need of further information. Please fill out the below application and return as soon as possible with references and flowers.



Age:________ (Don’t lie)

Height:_______ (Yes, this is important and will determine if a second date occurs)

Weight:_______(Don’t care, but my friends will want to know)

Occupation: ___________(Meaning, an actual job and nothing like “Subway Rapper”. If unemployed, please list this honestly, as lying will only make things worse)


Please circle YES or NO to the following questions.

Smoker: Yes or No

(If the answer is YES, we thank you for your time, but are no longer interested in you as a candidate)

Football Fan: Yes or No

(If the answer is NO, we thank you for your time, but are no longer interested in you as a candidate)

Drinker: Yes or No

(please also list favorite types. This does not include ‘sweet tea’)

Cat Owner: Yes or No

(If the answer is YES, please step away from the application as we have begun sneezing)

Dog Owner: Yes or No

(Bonus points if you have the following dogs: Boxer, Bulldog, Terrier or Pug)

Passport Owner: Yes or No

(If the answer is NO, seriously, you’re applying to date me before you apply for a Passport? Why?!)


The following are Lifestyle Questions, please circle the answer that applies.


Beverage of Choice: Tequila, Scotch, Both, None

(If the answer is None, we thank you for your time, but are no longer interested in you as a candidate)

Workout : No, Seldom, Often, Everyday

(If the answer is Everyday, we applaud your efforts and are happy to cheer you on while at the Smoothie Bar)

Political View: Republican, Democrat, Independent, Other

(We’d rather you say Other, as long as you aren’t a jerk about “Your party being better.”)

Culinary Skills: Do Not Cook, Cooks Ok, Cooks Very Well, Orders Take Out

(If the answer is Do Not Cook, are you willing to learn from binging Top Chef)

Reference Report

Please respond honestly, as we have already stalked all forms of your social media and will confirm this with your listed references.

  1. How would your ex describe you as a friend?
  2. Why did the relationship end?
  3. Would you consider sleeping with your ex again?
  4. Do you still keep in contact with your ex?
  5. Who would you pick as your partner for “The Amazing Race”, me or your ex?


Additional Material

Please attach any material such as baby pictures, blogs, Spotify playlists or Youtube channels which may assist us during the hiring process.


***We thank you for your cooperation and will contact you if further information is needed. Or at the very least, we’ll see you at Date #3.***




Why Am I Single?

Why Am I Single?

The second most popular question I am asked after “Why I don’t have kids?” is, “Why am I single?” For the longest time, I use to hate this question. And as much as I want to say that I have grown since the start of this blog, that would be somewhat of a lie. I still hate the question, however, I have a different perspective on it.

“Why am I single?” Before, my first reaction would be immediately to blame all of the men, or lack thereof, around me. I would list about 100 reasons why THEY aren’t the right match for me. How THEY haven’t fit my mold. And how THEY just aren’t around. Then some years passed, a few serious relationships here and there resulted in my new train of thought. And to be honest, I think this applies to not only me, but a lot of you.

“Why am I single?” has nothing to do with THEM and almost everything to do with…ME. Now, the first time I realized this, I flat out denied it. I mean, gurl, you ARE amazing. But you aren’t the persona you show the world. THAT girl goes on dates, is larger than life, can do four shots of tequila in an hour and sing half of the Jay Z catalog. But that girl is also vulnerable, insecure, a dreamer who is also her worst critic and secretly adores the role of the 50’s housewife. (That might be another post for another day)

Old Lady Cupid


In another words, what I show the world is only a part of the complicated woman that makes me…me. Chris Rock did a bit in his “Bigger and Blacker” comedy special where he says, when you go on a date with a woman, you aren’t dating her, you’re dating her representative. And that’s 100% true. Don’t worry guys, the same applies to you. But in my case, you go on a date with me and you are dating my rep, my concierge, my trainer, my guru and my id. You don’t see Desiree. Desiree comes out around month 4 of a relationship, which is a very crucial time. Around the fourth month of seriously dating, experts say, this is the time where couples decide whether this person is worth committing to long term. When you think about that, it really makes sense. You have a honeymoon period, and after that period, the truth starts to come out.

“Why am I single?” because I don’t let a lot of men see my truth. Now I’m not going to come right out and bare my naked soul over our coffee date, but what I WILL do, is let down my guard a bit. I will promise to understand that the Desiree they first see is the hyperbole of a great woman, but isn’t the real me. That would be exhausting. And to be honest, a lot of times, it is. And I will no longer look at that question as one that is cringe inducing, rather I will tackle it with a new approach…keep it simple, sweetheart!

Winter, Coffee and Sweatshirts

Winter, Coffee and Sweatshirts

My ex called and asked what I was doing. Ok, I should probably back this story up about a week…or maybe a month. I dated a guy three years ago. And, well, we all have that ONE. The one you can’t shake. It’s kind of like that old college sweatshirt that you swear you will get rid of. But no matter how many times you move or boxes you may store it in, when you need it, or don’t realize you need it, it shows up.

He’s my old college sweatshirt. Or more accurately, my 13 year old sorority formal long sleeve t-shirt. A shirt that proudly use to fit me like a glove, but now, slightly swallows me whole. It has holes in the sleeves, screen printing that is fading and is no longer the bright green it use to be. But I love that sweatshirt and I would never get rid of it, no matter what.

Now I promise, this post has a point. It really has nothing to do with the sweatshirt. Three years after our break up and more than a year from having seen each other last, I find myself wrapped in this comfortable space that I remember and loved so much. So today, my ex called. It’s not the first time and we had a lovely chat. We actually plan on an upcoming visit together.

He starts off the conversation by asking “What are you up to?” And not in the loaded “What are you up to and what panties do you have on?” kind of way. I laugh because what I was doing was truly making me happy. I told him that I was home alone, enjoying the slightly chilly day, wrapped in a blanket, drinking a delicious cup of coffee, binge watching “Sex in the City”. After we laughed at how cliche that was, and he admitted that it did in fact sound like a nice way to spend a day, I began to think to myself, that it really was.


I was enjoying a “Netflix and Chill” type of date….but with myself. And to be honest, I couldn’t have been happier. I was in my favorite pajamas, my big fluffy socks, watching one of my favorite SITN episodes with the yummiest cup of coffee. And in that moment I realized, just how important it is to enjoy a date with just ME.

I mean, I’m a classy chick that could take me out to a nice steak dinner if I wanted to. But I loved my quiet, simple morning. Often we get so caught up in the pressures of dating because we factor in pleasing or coming across pleasing to the other person. But why can’t we do what we enjoy simply for our own pleasure?

I have to confess, it’s a novel idea that even I was unfamiliar with. The beauty of spending quality time with yourself. Doing the things I love, watching what I love, pursuing the passions that I enjoy, all for my OWN pleasure. It isn’t a reminder that I’m alone, or that others are in relationships or even that I may come across as antisocial. It’s a reminder that the things I love, make up who I am, and that is a pretty amazing creature who…bonus….any man would be lucky to have. But, if that man isn’t around in the immediate future, it’s ok.

I have my coffee and tv shows, my wonderful family and amazing friends, my health and my sanity and the passions that make me…me. And for now, at this very moment, that makes me happy.

To Otis

To Otis

As a singer, music means so much more to me than just a song I would sing in a show. Music for me reminds me of a deep love, a bitter hard ache, a past love that still makes my heart smile, a day riding around Hawaii with a great friend, a slow dance under the stars in the rain, a broken heart still healing. Music is the tapestry that makes up real love.

The power of music was brought up yesterday while racking my brain on another topic. A day after my 38 birthday, I was reminded of local Georgia music legend, Otis Redding. While out having drinks, Otis was brought up in conversation. I told my friend, that I was introduced to this song by a gentlemen years ago. To say the gentlemen  was in awe of me was an understatement, and though I was flattered, he was married, and I have a hard line about married men. This lovely man in my past said to me “I would love nothing more than to dance with you to this song.” He was a bright eyed Georgia boy with a fitted UGA hat on, and the song was “These Arms of Mine”. I did give him that dance, and while dancing, I listened deeply to those words


These arms of mine, they are lonely
Lonely and feeling blue
These arms of mine, they are yearning
Yearning from wanting you
And if you would let them hold you
Oh, how grateful I will be
These arms of mine, they are burning
Burning from wanting you
These arms of mine, they are wanting
Wanting to hold you
And if you would let them hold you
Oh how grateful I will be
Every so often I am reminded of that song, that gentlemen and that dance. As I got older, I realized the power music has to transform and inspire, and Otis’ words began to take a new meeting. After drinks I played the song for my friend who was not familiar with it. It was a rainy day and after we got to our destination I thought “I wonder if this is what Otis meant?” In that moment, I wanted to slow dance again to that song, but now with a deeper understanding of the lyrics. The arms that were yearning and burning from wanting that dance.
I had a long drive home and as fate would have it, a middle Georgia radio station was playing back to back Otis Redding songs. On a long lonely stretch of highway, I rolled the windows down and sang my heart out to each one. When I passed Gray, Georgia and saw the small monument to Otis, I looked back at it a smiled. And when I finally made it home, showered and in bed, Otis again began to play in my head. Who knows if I will have another dance like the one I originally had, or if my drinking partner would have taken me up on the dance yesterday, but I fell asleep last night with Otis; wrapped in his melodic arms, and it was some of the best sleep I have ever had.