The Art of the Kiss

The Art of the Kiss

I always thought that a good kiss was like a good handshake. You want it to be memorable for all of the right reasons. When it comes to a first date, the kiss is always my favorite part. Rather, the anticipation of the kiss, is my favorite part. Do you kiss? Do you not? Should it be a peck? Should it be slow? Should I tilt my head to the left or right? A lot goes into a kiss, even more goes into a memorable one. Here are my top three memorable kisses. Whether it was the person, the location or the actual kiss themselves, these three are forever etched in my mind and softly forever on my lips.

The Nervous Kiss

I never, ever get nervous before a kiss. But for some reason, the thought of kissing this guy made me beyond nervous. So much so, that I stopped at a store to get candy. Why you ask? It was my opening line to get the kiss on the table. “Oh, your lips are blue now. I’d hate to get that on my lips.” I know, pathetic right. But it worked.

This was our second date and it started like the last, with tons of laughter. I realize now that my nervousness was based on the fact that I really liked this guy. I enjoyed his company, he made me laugh and he never made me feel like he was out to sleep with me and move on. But I will still so nervous, and I think he knew that. I admitted that the candy was a ploy and I hoped he didn’t think it was silly. Instead he laughed at me, pulled me in slowly and gave me the softest, sweetest kiss I ever had.

I remember looking at him, and we both just smiled. We continued to have amazing kisses for over a year before the relationship ended. But even to this day, whenever I see a blue Push Pop, I can’t help but smile.


The Passionate Kiss

I’m a fan of jerks because they are usually really good at something. And while there is no denying they are jerks, there is also no denying that they are damn good at whatever there “thing” is. Ok, so I shouldn’t say that he was a jerk because he did anything wrong. He was just that confident guy who knew his shit didn’t stink. They are also another personal fave of mine because bursting their very over inflated balloon is one of my all time favorite past times.

On the second date, while it was lightly raining and standing next to his car, he grabbed me for a full kiss. I must clarify that the “grab” was also the reason this kiss was so damn good and highly passionate. I had on a string tank top with a string bra that he GRABBED with both hands nearly tearing them off my body and landed one on me. I was beyond shocked. For one, I was terrified he was going to ruin one of my favorite Victoria’s Secret bras. And two, I could tell that he could care less. He knew that he was giving me an award winning kiss. Again, a jerk knows what he’s good at, and he’s very proud to show you. This was also the last time I kissed him. Living the life of a traveler means I am usually never in one place for very long. But if I make it back to the beach, I may need to give him a call.


The First Kiss

The First Kiss I feel is the deciding factor if Date #2 happens. On our first date, a date which by the way lasted five hours and had us taking a lovely stroll around town and singing show tunes to each other, we ended it with a kiss.

Side Note: I just realized that all three of these kisses happened while leaning next to cars. So maybe I just like being on the hood of a car ala Whitesnake.

You ever have a kiss where you lose track of time and partial feeling in your legs? Yea, that’s what happened. We attempted to walk away so that we could both leave and go home, several times. But each time one of us would smile which would make the other smile. And then…well then our lips took over. Each kiss was soft, lovely and full, warm and sensual without being too sensual. I finally decided to be an adult and say that we would kiss one more time and that I was WALKING AWAY after that.

I know what you’re thinking, I have the will power of a Kardashian at NBA All Star Weekend. But I am proud to say, that is what I did. We kissed for the last time, and I turned on my heels, and walked away. Dammit, if I couldn’t stop smiling though. As I crossed the street still feeling like I was in a movie, I turned to have a quick look at him. And to my surprise, he turned as well, giving me this amazing smile and delightful wave. When I went home, that kiss was on my mind for the entire evening. We have had a few kisses since then, and an amazing breakfast. But that First Kiss will probably be the measure for all other First Kisses.

In conclusion, as I told a friend today, perhaps I will need to kiss 100 frogs until I get to my one prince. I promise by the end of this journey, I will be that much closer to that ONE perfect kiss. Until then, remember what Ingrid Bergman said “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”


The Sex Report Card

The Sex Report Card

I was a decent student. Math wasn’t my strong suit, and at times it would really screw up my GPA. But overall, I had good grades. And some years, your girl made the Honor Roll. I remember always having the same sense of dread when it was Report Card time. My stomach would turn into knots and the cold sweats would begin. But what I didn’t realize until I got to college was that, what’s done is done. You can’t go back and change your study habits or turn in extra work the day the Report Card comes in. You have to accept that you’ve done your best and now prepare to be judged accordingly.

One day, out of the blue, it hit me. What if we could have a Report Card, based on how we are in bed? Ok, hear me out, because I know I’m going to lose a lot of you. I like to think that I am pretty darn talented at certain things. My name means “Desire” for crying out loud. And I am WELL aware that most men think they are far superior in several areas of sex and dating. So what if, you were able to have your partner or former partners rate you? Get brutally honest feedback. Why, you ask? Because too many of us (yours truly included) give ourselves wayyyyy too much credit, when we need to look reality straight in its limp penis face and accept some hard truths. Plus, how can you get better if you don’t learn from your mistakes?


Here were my requirements and questions for my first ever Sex Report Card:

  • I would only ask men that I had slept with more than once. (Sorry, that one night stand might have been amazing for you, but there is a reason it happened once.)
  • If a guy was currently married, I would not have him participate. (Even if this is for the sake of research, I am not about to have a mad wife coming after me.)
  • As with all of my posts, all participants are anonymous. (But you know who you are 😉

The questions were:

  • What did I do in bed that you enjoyed?
  • What did I do in bed that you did NOT enjoy?
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate me in bed?
  • And finally, would you sleep with me again?

The grades came back from three Report Card evaluators. Answers have been paraphrased.  I present for your enjoyment, my Sex Report Card.

Report Card 1:

I have known this gentleman for 6 years. We had a great deal in common like travel and I became a fan of a totally new sport because of him. He always made me laugh and is still a good friend and mentor to this day.

  • What did I do in bed that you enjoyed? You had really great oral skills, I always enjoyed that. 
  • What did I do in bed that you did NOT enjoy? I wasn’t a fan of choking you. What if you passed out and died? 🙂
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate me in bed? 8
  • And finally, would you sleep with me again? Yes


Report Card 2:

This guy I have known for 7 years. I am a fan of any man that will kill a bottle of Jameson as quickly as I can. Not to mention his devotion to his job is admirable. We are still good friends.

  • What did I do in bed that you enjoyed? You are tons of fun in bed when you don’t act like a princess. 
  • What did I do in bed that you did NOT enjoy? I was afraid that I would hurt you when I chocked you. **
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate me in bed? 10
  • And finally, would you sleep with me again? Yes


Report Card 3:

I’m not going to lie when I say that this report card, was not only my favorite, but it was the most thorough. If it was possible for me to print his entire full written response, I would. I have known this man for over 10 years and he is always a constant surprise.

  • What did I do in bed that you enjoyed? You’re very creative. I like that you are open to try anything.
  • What did I do in bed that you did NOT enjoy? I wish you swallowed. *
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate me in bed? You are in my top 13% of women I have ever been with.
  • And finally, would you sleep with me again? Yes

After re-reading part of his response, I feel the need to give a sample of his well written (if not highly ego boosting) reply to the Sex Report Card:

“It is always about the other person with Desiree. You as her partner just have to realize that you need to show her that same attention in return and not take advantage.”

Side Notes:

** I found it interesting that not only did two Report Cards say almost the same thing as a dislike, but another individual, who out of respect for me, decided not to do the full Report Card, mentioned it was something he didn’t like, as well. Who knew some men would get sensitive about a little autoerotic asphyxiation.

* I am at a loss that this was something I didn’t do with him, when in fact, I have done it before. Hmm?

At the end of the day, this very personal post was just as entertaining as it was eye opening. I’m grateful for their responses and the resulting conversations that we had afterwards. The point kiddlets, what YOU think you do well, may be something that you partner doesn’t enjoy. And in my case, something that I enjoy, may make your partner feel uncomfortable. This is where communication in and out of the bedroom is so important. So if my Report Card has taught you one thing (or many things that I enjoy), I hope that it is to be mindful of not only your needs, but you partners. And hey, if you REALLY want to know what others think about you, ask for your own Report Card.

I dare ya!




Down with the Swirl

Down with the Swirl

Once upon a time, a black woman named Mildred and a white man named Richard fell in love. They shared a bond that only two people in love could share, and decided to make the ultimate leap by getting married. This not only cemented their bond but showed the world of their undying love for each other. It was also illegal. The year was 1958.

The Loving V. Virginia case was one that I heard about only as side note in history classes and recently in a handful of movies. But it was something that I knew was of a great importance from my own family. My grandmother was put up for adoption because her black mother and white father were not allowed to marry and keep their only child. When my grandparents divorced, my grandfather married a white woman from Virginia. The couple raised me for 13 years. When my mother divorced, she married a white man from Florida. My stepdad would become the father figure that I always wanted.

Interracial relationships for me are not only a big part of my family, but it is a big part of what I have seen first hand in successful relationships. Yet, I still feel the need to explain my preference in dating outside of my race. I do not however, take for granted that if it weren’t for people like Mildred and Richard Loving, my grand parents and parents, I wouldn’t have the dating and relationship luxuries that I have today.

So what does being “Down with the Swirl” really mean? Most automatically associate it with a black man or woman dating a white man or woman. In actuality, it can be almost any relationship where the person dates someone of another race. In the United States  the most common interracial relationships are Blacks with Whites, with Hispanics and Asians being the next most common ethnic groups. In 2015, 50 years after the Loving case was heard by the Supreme Court, 17% of newlywed couples were interracial, versus 3% of interracial newlyweds in 1967. To learn more about the rise in interracial marriages in the United States, check out this article by Pew Social Trends.


With the rise of interracial marriages and interracial couples appearing in mainstream media and films, it is no wonder that more people are finding love outside of their own  race. This has also created a market of social media brands and websites that cater to bringing people together of different racial backgrounds. One such brand, Swirl Date, connects people through social media. The impact that social media plays in not only finding love with different races, but supporting it, can even be felt in recent campaigns to create interracial couple emojis.

Now more than ever the acceptance of these couples is one that gives hope to our future. No longer is dating outside your race illegal or taboo. There are still a few challenges on a personal level. Family and friends not being open to the idea, random side looks and comments by strangers. However, if we learned anything from Mildred and Richard Loving, it’s that, love sees no color.


A Tale of Two Bumbles

A Tale of Two Bumbles

While I never encourage my readers to make the same mistake I did, I DO encourage you to enjoy the mistakes you do make…because they make for great material. I am a fan of dating apps. They are equal parts entertaining and depressing. Sprinkled with a bit of bizarre fascination that I have on the subject of dating, and you have the makings for an interesting social calendar. In the past two months, I have found two vastly different subjects on the matter. Both professional, both handsome, both head scratchingly at odds with my expectations. Perhaps that is the tragic irony, reality is far more disappointing than our imagination.

Bumble #1 was by far the most adorably kind of the two. I pulled out some player worthy moves with homemade dinner. Full disclosure: my steak could have been better, but the asparagus was on point. After a few glasses of pinot, and nice conversation, the night was coming to an end with a viewing of one of my favorite movies. Then, perhaps the nicest thing I could dare imagine on date occurred. He asked for permission to kiss me. You read that correctly, he ASKED!

The raging Type A Diva that I am loved everything about this. It was a great kiss and everything else to follow, was great. No seriously, it was great! The next day I must have said about five times to various girlfriends “He’s such a sweet guy.” or “He was such a gentleman.” Cut to my surprise days later when I…never…heard…from….him….again. No seriously…never. The “Good Guy” myth was forever blown out the water by the failed communication of its leader. While I don’t necessarily encourage sleeping with someone one on the first date (lol), I do make the rare exception. Apparently, this was one time I should have stuck with my better judgement..and never trust a man who does’nt drink.




Bumble #2 is part of a new class of men I have found a slight fascination with- The Young Ones. Eager to please, hopelessly optimistic. While I am proud to be a teacher in many respects, in others, I simply lack the patience. My grandmother once told me “Never love a man who roots for a rival team.” She was a die hard Dawg fan, and her wisdom rings true even today. Bumble #2’s winning quality was his ability to make me laugh. Bonus points: his access to Tequila. And as we all know, tequila has never done me wrong.

As I sit here today, I can’t put my finger on it…exactly. What was a miss? His saunter approach to kissing me? No- that was some “A” level kissing. Was it his youth? His charm? His ability to make me feel like the greatest inconvenience to his day? Or maybe, just maybe, his appeal didn’t match the version that I assumed I would meet. Hell, maybe it was an off day. We’ve all had them. The hair doesn’t lay right, none of your clothes look good, your penis isn’t working at its normal Spartan level of manliness.

The moral of the story is, sometimes the image we have of not only ourselves but of others, can be…wrong. The Good Guy may want to do inappropriate things with you, but never show you off in public because of your political views. And folly is lost on the Youth, and so is charm. Perhaps the wisest choice is to stick with the person who makes you smile, or at least makes you pause and enjoy the simple things. Like a slow dance on a sidewalk, in a small country town somewhere in Georgia.

New Boyfriend Application

New Boyfriend Application

Thank you for your interest in the position of “New Boyfriend”. After reviewing your resume at the initial date/interview, we are in need of further information. Please fill out the below application and return as soon as possible with references and flowers.



Age:________ (Don’t lie)

Height:_______ (Yes, this is important and will determine if a second date occurs)

Weight:_______(Don’t care, but my friends will want to know)

Occupation: ___________(Meaning, an actual job and nothing like “Subway Rapper”. If unemployed, please list this honestly, as lying will only make things worse)


Please circle YES or NO to the following questions.

Smoker: Yes or No

(If the answer is YES, we thank you for your time, but are no longer interested in you as a candidate)

Football Fan: Yes or No

(If the answer is NO, we thank you for your time, but are no longer interested in you as a candidate)

Drinker: Yes or No

(please also list favorite types. This does not include ‘sweet tea’)

Cat Owner: Yes or No

(If the answer is YES, please step away from the application as we have begun sneezing)

Dog Owner: Yes or No

(Bonus points if you have the following dogs: Boxer, Bulldog, Terrier or Pug)

Passport Owner: Yes or No

(If the answer is NO, seriously, you’re applying to date me before you apply for a Passport? Why?!)


The following are Lifestyle Questions, please circle the answer that applies.


Beverage of Choice: Tequila, Scotch, Both, None

(If the answer is None, we thank you for your time, but are no longer interested in you as a candidate)

Workout : No, Seldom, Often, Everyday

(If the answer is Everyday, we applaud your efforts and are happy to cheer you on while at the Smoothie Bar)

Political View: Republican, Democrat, Independent, Other

(We’d rather you say Other, as long as you aren’t a jerk about “Your party being better.”)

Culinary Skills: Do Not Cook, Cooks Ok, Cooks Very Well, Orders Take Out

(If the answer is Do Not Cook, are you willing to learn from binging Top Chef)

Reference Report

Please respond honestly, as we have already stalked all forms of your social media and will confirm this with your listed references.

  1. How would your ex describe you as a friend?
  2. Why did the relationship end?
  3. Would you consider sleeping with your ex again?
  4. Do you still keep in contact with your ex?
  5. Who would you pick as your partner for “The Amazing Race”, me or your ex?


Additional Material

Please attach any material such as baby pictures, blogs, Spotify playlists or Youtube channels which may assist us during the hiring process.


***We thank you for your cooperation and will contact you if further information is needed. Or at the very least, we’ll see you at Date #3.***




36 Questions

36 Questions

I’m sure you have heard of the 36 Questions to Love. If you haven’t, you clearly don’t surf the internet at ungodly late hours like myself, so let me explain. Psychologist Arthur Aron did a study to evaluate creating closeness in an experimental context. Simply put, a set of 36 questions in three sets were given to complete strangers to ask and answer. The questions start simple enough and then become more detailed and personal. After the 36 Questions are answered, the strangers are then asked to look in their partners eyes for 4 minutes. You read that correctly, 4…whole…silent…minutes.

I first came across these 36 Questions a few years back when I was dating a guy that I had been with for over a year. We came to a pretty rough part in our relationship, and I saw the questions as an opportunity to rebuild communication between the two of us. Sadly, we broke up before we could ever answer the questions. Since then, I have always wanted to try them and see what the buzz was about. I found several Youtube videos and articles done by magazines like GLAMOUR, all using complete strangers as the subject.

And since yours truly loves a good challenge, I thought, maybe it was finally time to give this a go. First question: who do I do the 36 Questions with?


Enter my lovely and handsome test subject, a gentleman I had already been on one date with and had a great time. Bonus: he was familiar with the study and the questions having done them before. Well this should be a breeze then! As stated early, the questions are in 3 sets, each set become more personal. The first set had questions like:

  • Would you like to be famous and it what way?
  • What constitutes a “perfect” day for you?

“This is going to be easy.”, I thought. Since we had already had a nice first date, we were both at ease with the first set of questions. And we also learned a great deal more about each other. But then I should have realized, that things were going to get REAL, real fast. The idea of the questions are not to embarrass your partner, or make them feel uncomfortable. Rather, to get to a more personal layer of the person that you don’t normally see at the stereotypical coffee date with the archaic questions like “So what do you do for fun?” or “You went to UGA? What did you study?” These questions are meant to make both people think, and if you’re lucky, be very honest and perhaps even vunerable.

And that is exactly what happened. Set two had questions like:

  • What is your most terrible memory?
  • How do you feel about your relationship with you mother?

The first question had me discussing a time in my life that I don’t often speak about, and one that was deeply personal. However, I felt a sense of ease in discussing it with my partner and perhaps that was what made it so genuine. We went back and forth talking about our childhood and our views of the world, and soon the questions, though challenging, became more insightful.

The third and final set had questions like:

  • When did you last cry in front of a person? When did you cry alone?
  • Tell your partner something you like about them already?

I was thrilled to get to the final set. Mainly because if I got any more personal with my answers, I would have to invite him to Thanksgiving dinner seeing as how he would practically be family by then. Full disclosure: the last time I cried in front of a person was in fact him, when I answered a question in Set two. And that was when it hit me, the act of sharing something deeply personal with someone who respects you and is humbled by you sharing that information, is a beautiful thing. It brings a different kind of connection with someone- a human connection, just as impactful as an amazing first kiss.

To conclude the 36 Questions, you are to look in your partners eyes for 4 SILENT minutes. Ok, I am a wisecrack, smart ass on a good day. But when I feel uncomfortable or awkward, my level of wisecrackery gets to almost biblical levels. “How the hell am I going to stare at this guy for 4 minutes and NOT say anything.” , I thought. I gave myself an internal pep talk. “Just look at his nose or his eyebrows, don’t stare for the whole 4 minutes, try not to laugh like a hyena and for Gods sake, don’t hum.”

The first few minutes were awkward to say the least. We both had nervous smiles, coupled with my seizure like attempt to not laugh. And then the most amazing and insightful thing happened. Staring became easier. It was like I was looking at a good friend. One who knows me well, but more importantly, had no desire to laugh or judge me. It was at this point, I let my guard down and stared without feeling embarrassed. I set a 4 minute timer on my phone and after 4 minutes, it went off. But we continued to stare at each for an additional two more minutes. 6 minutes of silence and staring. It wasn’t  awkward, or strange and if I am being honest, those last two minutes after the timer went off was my favorite part of the entire experience.

I think we were both amazed to continue holding our gaze. But it was perhaps the most deeply personal and wonderful experience I ever had on a date. The rest of the evening was a fun night out at karaoke and some great Netflix and chill. After the 36 Questions, I can honestly say I am happy that I finally did them and grateful that my partner was so open and kind with his answers. So if you are curious to try them with your significant other or with a stranger, I highly recommend it. Below is a link to the New York Times article where the questions were featured. My advise if you do try them, be open, be honest, enjoy the process and have plenty of wine- you’re going to need it!






Diary entry, January 24, 2018


Let’s build a fort together.

One made of hopes & dreams,

anchored by fond memories,

surrounded by rows of fabrics

wound in possibilities.



At night,

let our fort display the stars.

Each one a tale of our journey,

and constellations of destinations yet traveled.


Let our fort wrap us tightly

into each others arms.

And allow dialogue

only in the form of childish whispers,

and delicious kisses.


And then, when it is time to sleep,

dear fort,

protect us from the realities of the world.

And gives us warmth

that two gentle souls will carry for eternity.