Self Care/ Self Date

I’ve noticed that the older I get, the more I enjoy my own company. Even if I am in a relationship. And for some reason, I have found that some people think this is a bad idea. “What do you mean, you want to spend time alone? You have someone in your life now!” But why does that mean I can’t enjoy my own personal time and space? Many blogs, articles and therapists will tell you that while you are in the dating pool of single life, that it is also important to show yourself love and date yourself. Go out on your own, buy yourself gifts, give yourself the attention you would want from a partner. I argue that, that same attention should be done when you are in a relationship, too.

Remember, all the things you would do on a Saturday when you were single? Perhaps they have changed now that you are with someone, but they don’t need to. Just because you have now become a “WE” doesn’t mean you have to lose the “ME”. A few days ago, I took myself out to lunch, got a pedicure, did some shopping and bought myself some flowers. And the whole time I thought, “Why don’t I do this more often?” Sometimes we feel guilty not spending time with our partner. As if to say, that we should only want to do things together as a couple. But you have to remember, that you had a flourishing life before your significant other came into it.

It is important to note that this potential solo time or self date, is something that can also help your relationship. Have you ever thought that maybe your partner shares some of your interests out of love, but maybe doesn’t want to engage in them all of the time? Believe it or not, this can be a good thing. It allows you to enjoy the things you love, without your partner growing resentful in an effort to appease you. Not to mention, time apart can be a good thing. Maybe there is a movie you really want to see that he could care less about. Our a restaurant you know she wouldn’t like. Take yourself out on a date and enjoy that time on your own.

I recently came across a TikTok by a woman who took the suggestion of going to a bar alone, in an attempt to find a guy who would be interested that she was out solo. She mentioned that she was disappointed because it didn’t work. I’ve done this often when I was single but took a different attitude. If you find someone, great. But how nice is it to enjoy living in your own space? Appreciating a great meal or a delicious cocktail?

The same can be said about solo dating while in a relationship. Go back to the things you enjoy doing on your own, but do it without guilt. The key of course is to let your partner understand the importance of this alone time. Never use it as a tactic in a fight. But rather explain that it is a key way to stay in touch with the person that you are who had her own desires and passions before you met them. You aren’t running away from the relationship, you are just taking care of yourself. And by doing so, you are being a better partner.

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