That’s a hard “no”

When I was in a college, I remember going out to the club with my girlfriends. I recall feeling particularly cute that night, but my main goal was to have fun with my friends. Whilst twirling about on the dance floor, this super cute guy came up and started dancing with me. I wouldn’t say he was flirting but I thought “Why not make the first move?”. I went to the bar to grab a drink and wrote my number on a napkin. I came back to where we were dancing, gave him my number, winked and said “Call me!”

I kind of knew in that moment he probably wasn’t going to, but I was so proud that I had the balls to even ask. Then to turn around and leave like a boss?! I always wondered if he thought I was weird for pulling such a move, or if maybe he was impressed. Either way, I cared nothing about rejection in that moment.

Men and women alike fear rejection when it comes to dating. Society has told us that men have to make the first move. And now that the “norm” has made it to where a woman can also approach a guy, some women don’t even try for fear of rejection. But what harm comes from asking? Whether asking for someones number or to try a threesome, you can either deal with rejection or worse yet, never knowing the answer.

A guy friend of mine once told me that men have it harder because it is assumed that they are “use to” or “ok” with rejection. That it becomes part of being a guy. This made me sad if in fact that is true. It’s never great to hear “no” if you’re trying to pursue someone or if you like someone who isn’t in to you. But keep in mind, behind every “no” is someone who will emphatically say “yes”.

In the course of my dating career, I have made the move most of the time. I’m kind of an aggressor. I know, shocking. My girlfriends often find this amazing. “What if a guy says ‘no’?” Ok. And? I accept that I’m not for everyone. So I will find the everyone who is right for me. You can never let your fear of rejection, or your unknown fear cripple you when it comes to dating and love. If so, you will spend more time on the sidelines wondering why you can’t make it to the big leagues.

So my challenge for you is to make that big leap. Open your mind to the possibility that being rejected isn’t the end all, be all. That if someone says “no” it doesn’t mean, you’ll never hear a “yes.” Be confident in your approach and learn from whatever happens. Either way, if you come out with at least a good story from it, all truly isn’t lost.

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