In search of a sugar daddy

Years ago, I came across a website called “Seeking Arrangements”. I found it after watching an episode of one of my favorite MTV shows “True Life”. The episode tackled the lives of Sugar Babies. I am sure you have heard the term in some form or fashion over the years, so I won’t bore you with the details. But what I will say, is that ever since watching that episode, I have been fascinated by the Sugar Baby/Daddy lifestyle.

So in my fascination, curiosity and small level of desperation, I signed up for the site. Don’t judge me, it was for “research”. The premise has single men or women looking for a “baby” that they can spoil, support or “sponsor”. The term “sponsor” was what really drew me in. A man, who has never met me, is willing to give me money for things. It could be clothes, jewelry, shoes, etc. On the site, you also have a variety of other “sponsorship” or support. Rent, travel, house hold bills. It all seems too good to be true.

Or is it?

At it’s core, the sugar baby/daddy lifestyle is about companionship. Yes, there are those that have a certain level of intimacy, but what I did find most often, is that a “daddy” wanted someone to spend time with or accompany them on trips and events. So why the money? Why pay me for it? It does give off a vibe or prostitution. You’re trading yourself for some form of income or gifts. But there are other cases where the gifts are truly just that, no strings gift.

Some men and women (yes, there are Sugar Mamas) enjoy lavishing their babies with actual gifts. I was talking to a friend of mine recently who told me about a guy who got her some gifts recently. He enjoyed making her happy. I don’t think they have ever met, but both people got something out of it. My friend got to buy some great clothes, and the benefactor had the knowledge that he was making her happy.

Around the time I started to dive into this article, a guy on Instagram reached out to me about being his sugar baby. It sounded a bit like a scam. You know…wayyyyy to good to be true. Scammers also live in this world like any other world of dating. It’s easy to waste someones time and very dangerous when you are luring them with money or gifts. I called said scammer out and to my surprise, he was annoyed. That’s ok dude, I don’t really want to fall for your Nigerian money scheme.

But over the years, I have known several friends who have had successful “sponsored” relationships. In only one case, was a sexual relationship involved. The others enjoyed gifts, money and other perks. I’m not gonna lie, I wouldn’t mind being showered with gifts, but at what cost? Must I entertain you? Do I need to pretend to care about your daily life? Do I want to be nothing more than arm candy? Is an Hermes purse worth my time and dignity?

I’m still very curious, so if you’ve ever been involved in such a relationship, I’d love to know your thoughts. Calling all babies and sponsors!

Pay me what you owe me

I saw a hilarious tweet about having your ex pay you for emotional distress and how much one would ask for. It got me thinking if I would even want emotional distress money from an ex. I mean, I’ve moved on, right? But then, I could always use more money.

It is no surprise that some relationships sting more than others. And when they are over, the pain of recovery takes time. And worst of all, there are times you never get what you really want…closure. Sure, if a relationship ended, a check would be nice. But we put closure above anything when it comes to moving on from heart break.

I once asked a friend of mine if she felt she was “owed” closure. Meaning, do you deserve having your ex explain the cause of the end of your relationship? Or do you just want your ex to acknowledge it, and the actions that may have led up to it? At the end of the day, no one is owed closure. Even writing that I feel like a hypocrite. But when I take an honest look at even the most painful of breakups, the ones where I felt I “deserved” closure, I saw that over time, that need became less and less.

What we want is to put a pretty bow on the end of that chapter, in hopes that turning the page is easier. But that simply isn’t true, and isn’t real life. Sometimes you have to go through that pain to come out on the other side. And for some people this process prevents them from moving on to something better. We hold so tight on the “What if” of an ex, that we miss out on great future possibilities.

I asked that same friend of mine if she would feel better with closure, and of course she said yes. But I then asked her if she would honestly feel better without. Over time, won’t you have found peace and moved on? Yes. And in some cases, finding out the “Why” of the end of a relationship, can make things worse. So why put yourself through that?

Whether your ex gives your closure, or if we had the ability to get a fat check from emotional distress, moving on is the best reward. You can look back and see your personal growth. Sure, I can name at least two ex’s that I would easily request $10,000 in emotional damages. But let’s be honest, they couldn’t pay it anyway. Hence why they are an ex!