Every morning, shortly after I wake up, I can usually set my clock on two phone calls. One, from my best friend AKA “my sister” and the other from my mom. We chat, catch up on the previous evening, gossip about hometown news and discuss our dinner plans. Living in another state, I really appreciate these phone calls, because I can’t see either of them as often as I would like.
Then, around 5 or 6 pm, when my work day is over, I get another phone call from the Will to my Grace. We catch up on work, talk about hot boys, complain about getting old and break down the latest in politics. And even though we live in the same town, these conversations are almost a nightly ritual.
I never really thought about it, but my family and friends are very much a part of my everyday life. Which means, they are a part of my fiances life. He overhears the laughs, the cries and the screams. And while I am grateful he has a good relationship with all of the people I love, it is very clear that at times, he realizes that they are a BIG part of my life. Here’s the thing…that isn’t going to change.
As an only child, I have found that I am super close with a handful of people and they have become like family. I may not have a sister by blood, but I have one that I love as if we share blood. And my Will…well, he was in my life before any boy ever was, and our pack to grow old together and share a condo in Miami, still stands. If you’re like me, you might have those people in your life that you are extremely close to. And that’s a beautiful thing. Often times, I find they are a sounding board for my fiancee when he needs advice about us, or when he went ring shopping.
But it can lead to a tricky area of a relationship, where those people could be a bit too close for comfort. Sometimes, it’s important to remind all parties to respect distance, while at the same time, understanding that those people are an important part of your life. One of the arguments I have constantly found myself saying before in the past is “They were in my life before you and will be after you!” While this only sets you up for some epic fights, it’s not really a strong case to present to your partner.
Rather, think of your friends/family and your partner as a collective team. This came into play for me recently when I was hospitalized for over a week. My fiancee would send daily updates to my friends and call my parents just to explain how scared he was. I was so grateful that my circle was so tight. And it was moments like those, that he found an appreciation for the people that mean so much to me. This isn’t to say that at times he wishes I didn’t watch a full episode of the Real Housewives on the phone while he would much rather cuddle on the couch. What it does say is there are people who love you, in and outside of your relationship. You just have to be smart and know how to navigate and bring them all together.