I can’t stand New Year’s Resolution. Full disclosure, because I can never keep them. Who can? You make grand plans to stick by a resolution and by mid-January, you realize that that pound cake won’t eat its self. So instead of resolutions I try what I like to call “Don’t Repeat”.
Rather than a goal or a resolution I want to keep but know I won’t, I focus on things that brought me no joy or success and focus on not repeating them. The classic “Learning from Ones Mistakes” mantra. I’ll admit, I am the Queen of screwups. And I wear my mistakes with a badge of honor. But even someone like myself has to stop and make an effort to not make the same mistakes again, hence “Don’t Repeat”.
So if you are like me, and need a checklist to get you into 2019, might I suggest my list of 2019 “Don’t Repeats”
- Tinder Dinner Dates- Sure, it gets you out of the house and yea, it’s a free meal. But it’s never just dinner, and it’s never worthwhile in the end. Let’s just say “Wanna meet for a drink and maybe make out?” I mean, let’s put the rules of the game out there before we enter the field.
- Concern for your Ex- Yes, you have a civil relationship with them. There is no following on Social Media or even a saved phone number. And maybe they went through a hurricane. That doesn’t mean you have to be the one who reaches out because you were “concerned”. You’re not. Not really at least. You want to know that THEY know the f*&^ed up. Surprise, surprise…they still don’t
- Looking Cute for Others- BITCH!!!!! Make the winged liner as strong as your personality and as sharp as your tongue for no one else, but yo DAMN self! Trust me…it won’t go unnoticed!
- Cheating on Your Expectations- Earlier in the year I talked about how a friend was trying to set me up. When she asked me what I was looking for in a guy, I gave her a rather detailed top 5. She thought it was shocking and for a moment, I began to doubt whether those things were really necessary. Then it hit me. If I had found any guy in 2018 remotely close to the characteristics in my top 5, I wouldn’t still be looking. This isn’t to say that my expectations are high, but I know what I want. And in 2019, rather than thinking what you are looking for isn’t realistic, ask yourself if it’s realistic to waste your time on what you AREN’T looking for.
- Losing Sight on Me- Ladies, we all do it. We meet that guy, we click, we start dating and then we morph into another person. We know we’re doing it. Our friends, family and co-workers see that we’re doing it? But why? What do we get out of it, except an emergency trip to our therapist on New Year’s Eve. We know what makes us great. And we also know what makes us a hot F*&^ing mess! So why not accept that and accept that the person who will ultimately be your right match will love both…equally. Let’s stop playing the charade of the perfect hostess, the girl who’s eyebrows always match or the super excited hockey fan (Bitch, you know we ain’t ever been to a hockey game). Instead let’s take this kick ass chick into 2019 ready to make mistakes, learn from them, kiss a lot of frogs, meet a prince, challenge herself, fight for what she deserves and changes the attitudes of others around her with her smile. It’s not impossible, so let’s show the world how it’s done!
I love my friends. I love that they try to so hard to see me happy. Whether it’s in my professional life or my personal life, they go to great lengths to see me happy. One such friend however, decided to do the thing I hate the most….set me up on a date. I was recently talking to a newly engaged co-worker who asked me what I was looking for a in a man. These two situations had me thinking, “What DO I want in a man?”
When I was in college, I wrote a list of 100 things I wanted in a Dream Guy. My thought was, he really would be the perfect guy for me, if he had all 100 things that I wrote on my list. Over the next few years, I would go back and look at that list. Mainly in horror at what I thought was a NEED. But mostly out of amazement, that my needs changed drastically.
Just like our palette, fashion sense and choice of movies, we get older and our needs change. 21 year old Desiree was so focused on what she wanted from a guy. But a few years older, a divorce, a few breakups and one heart ache, my needs have definitely changed. So to answer the question asked by several of my well meaning friends, here’s what I need in a guy…my top 5 requirements.
- Laughter- I am funny. No seriously, I am. Hilarious. I’m silly, goofy, slightly inappropriate and sarcastic AF. That kind of humor is not for everyone. When I think about guys from my past what sticks out about several of them, was their ability to make me laugh. Laughter is the best medicine and in some cases, the best way to end and argument. For me, if you can make me laugh, it means you don’t take yourself (or me) too seriously. It says, you’re up for an adventure and fun.
- Chemistry- Let’s be honest. There has to be a spark. And I hate to admit it, but I get bored easily. If two people don’t have chemistry, what will be the thing that keeps the passion going? I’m not saying that I need to see you walk in the door and jump you before you cross the floor. What I am saying is, you should feel that butterfly in your stomach whenever you see me, because I assure you, I will feel the same.
- Height- I know this is random but it’s a big physical thing for me. I wear heels. High heel shoes, heeled boots and I may own a few pair of Louboutin’s. I NEED you to be taller than me. For one, pictures are so awkward when you’re not. Two, heels or not, if I look down to kiss you I feel like an odd freak of nature. Every girl loves the feeling of standing on her tippy toes to kiss a guy. That, and I believe the guy equivalent of girls doing creative shots to hide their weight, are guys showing photos of themselves sitting in cars. No sir, I need to see you standing next to a small elephant!
- Education- I recently went on a date with a sweet young gent. When he asked me how my day was, I replied that it was fine, but that I did have some H.R. stuff to deal with, which is never fun. His reply was “What’s H.R?” Now I’m not saying that you need a Harvard education, what I am saying is, you need to be able to have an educated and insightful conversation with me. And again, let me stress, an intelligent conversation can be anything. I can just as easily debate the need for universal health care as I can why the “ManBearPig” episode of South Park is stellar television.
- Passion- At first glance, I’m sure you’re thinking I mean in the bedroom. Well…that too. But I mean more than physical passion. I have dated men who were passionate about comics, the environment, their children or the military. Their passion was evident in everything they did and believed in. It was a part of what made me fall for them. Passion is about having that unyielding dedication to someone or something. Something to believe in. Something to fight for. In any good relationship, you want someone to believe in you and you want someone who will fight for you. What you need is a man with passion.
Looking at this very small list, makes me wonder what college aged Desiree would think. Would you she laugh at what I consider are my top needs? Or would she argue that “Keanu Reeves” is still a valid requirement for the perfect guy. Not a guy LIKE Keanu, I meant, Keanu himself. Either way, sometimes what we need to do is think long and hard about what it is that we may NEED in a partner. Often times, it speaks to what we are lacking in ourselves.