Dating Karma

Dating Karma

This past week one of my oldest and dearest friends came to visit me. There was A LOT of tequila. There was also a mountain of fun, tons of laughter and me schooling her on something I like to call “Dating Karma”. For me “Dating Karma” is that simple belief that the good things you do in your dating life, will manifest fully in your love life. Basically, if you’re a dick or psycho slut in your dating life, that’s the kind of love that you will attract.

So picture two attractive chocolate girls in our own personal heaven- a bar of loud, funny white guys…most of them on vacation. After a few shots and several circles around the bar, we found some cute eye candy. There was friendly banter, mutual admiration of tattoos and after about 20 mins, the two gents decided to sit with us. As the night progressed, it was clear they were pretty interested. Cut to, serious flirting, thigh rubbing  and talk of having a REAL fun evening at my apartment.

However, before anything would progress, we found out….they were BOTH married. Now, I am in no way ashamed to admit that 29 year old me would have had no problem with this. The dude wasn’t from around here, he was flying out in the morning and I’m sure there’s a cheating rule that states “Different time zone/area code-fair game.” But 39 year old me, has been through and seen a lot. Mainly as a direct relation to 29 year old me. As I weighed the pros and cons while placed firmly close to his smokin hot bod, I had to wonder if “Dating Karma” was a real thing.

 

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I am happy to report that nothing happen. We were both very good girls and they both made it home safely to their wives. I did wake up the next morning questioning my own dating karma. So if we are to believe that you get what you put out, then why am I single? And more importantly, why was attracting married men, loser f*&^boys, emotionally unavailable exes?

I figure that I had been putting out some darn good dating karma. I hadn’t strung any guys along. I ended toxic relationships. My number of one night stands had drastically decreased. And I was no longer using men for sport. Yet, karma had some other plans for me. Single for the past two years. If I look at my last two relationships; both long distance and both where the guy cheated; I seriously had some questions for Karma.

That bitch saw me being attentive, loyal and devoted. Yet they both ended in massively crappy ways. And since then, it’s been a string of lack luster, minor flights of fancy. So why was I giving Karma so much power? Because I believe as I still do, in the power of getting what you give. Maybe this is all some twisted game for her. Or she is trying to teach me that patience (which I lack) is a virtue. Either way, I have to remind myself that even though I woke up in bed alone the next morning, I hadn’t broken up any happy home. And hell, that’s got to be good for something, right?

Wanderlust and just plain LUST

Wanderlust and just plain LUST

I’ve been dreaming of Paris a lot lately. I think it may have something to do with my birthday coming up. Or it has something to do with Wanderlust. A persons strong desire to travel is called  “Wanderlust”.

Perhaps it is  the overall sense of romance behind the city, or the fact that the last time I visited it was almost ten years ago around my birthday. But it’s not just Paris…I have Wanderlust to travel WITH someone. I think it says a great deal to travel with someone that you’re dating, or your significant other. For one, to be able to endure a long flight, cramped next to someone without a shower for more than 8 hours, is a special feat in itself.

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But there is also that wonderful feeling of being able to experience a new culture with someone. Even better if it’s a place that neither of you have been before. We often get so excited to take trips to other states or perhaps even a cruise. And there is nothing wrong with either of those choices. Especially since I worked on cruise ships for years. But what about visiting a place a whole continent away? I am still amazed at how many people have never ventured further than the U.S. Outside of time, work or expense, there should be no excuse to do that ONE trip that you always say you will do, but keep putting off.

And imagine, being able to experience it with someone that you love? I’ve been so lucky to visit some amazing countries and cities. Learned different languages, viewed other cultures. But there is also a world that I haven’t seen. I’m curious to see it all, experience it all, taste it all, enjoy it all. And to be able to hold hands with someone while on that journey…is something I think I would enjoy. Besides, there’s something wickedly sensual to wake up to the sounds of exotic birds, smell unfamiliar fragrances and have a day of unplanned leisure another world away.

D.T.F

D.T.F

I believe it was the wise sage, DJ Pauly D, who first uttered the words”D.T.F”. The term which explains the state in which one is ready to participate in intercourse, is a common lingo found around bars, clubs and drunk frat houses. However, I’ve recently found it commonplace in another arena- online dating.

I am shocked…no…AMAZED…at how many matches from both Tinder and Bumble will go from the “Hello. How are you?” to the “Wanna screw?” And some, don’t even address you. As one fine gent did this morning…at 1:35 am. I immediately unmatched with him, but it made me wonder. Yes, these apps do offer a significant ease to finding someone to sleep with, but that’s not their only purpose. And if they are, at least for the user, could you pretend to be cordial and ask my last name before you ask to see my ladybox?

For some odd reason, I have a greater respect for the guys in the shirtless bathroom selfies, who blatantly put in their profile “On vacation/looking for fun/aim to please/coffee and dog lover”. At least you’re making your intentions known, even before the left swipe. Though I have fallen victim to the hot guy who’s profile I didn’t read at first. That’s always a fun awkward conversation.

Him: So you read my profile?

Me: *reads profile in horror* Um, yea. Interesting.

Him: So you free tonight?

Me: *unmatches*

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes you want to have great sex. Maybe even great “Lose my number” sex. But thats a sometimes and not an all the time. And it’s certainly not something I or most women lead with. I guess my curiosity or frustrations lie in how many women these overly enthusiastic men think they will gain from that type of response? Sure, you will have the one female who may bite, and I am in no way knocking her. Do you, Boo Boo. Do you. But I hate to bring up the age old double standard….if a woman lead with a similar profile, what would guys think?

In the end, dating apps are our currently reality. They may not be perfect and I am sure in no way serve their originally designed purpose. But can we ALL agree to use some…etiquette, when it comes to approaching the topic of sex. For one, ask me out on a date? And no, you can’t ask me through Snapchat…here’s my number. Two, let’s ACTUALLY meet for said date. And IF, there is a chemistry, perhaps there will be sex. If not, I’m leaving you the bill for my two Jameson’s and deleting your number as well as your profile from my life…forever!

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