Team Left Swipe

I believe it was the Apostle Beyonce who said “To the Left, to the Left.” Who knew she would be on to something so groundbreaking back in 2006. But here we are in the world of Bumble and Tinder, happily swiping away.

I do some of my best swipe work after a few drinks. Mainly because I have a “First Picture” rule. If I am a bit buzzed and your first picture doesn’t intrigue me, I quickly swipe left. And I mean, quickly. My friends make fun of me when they see this happen in person. I need to be stimulated immediately. I then realized that many of the reasons I swipe Left are not because of things like picture quality but picture choice. I present to you: Reasons I Swipe Left….


That Is Clearly Not Your Sister

I appreciate when you click on a guys bio and they say “Oh, and the girl in the picture is my sister” because it clearly looks like a family member or a close friend. What I am often met with are actual wedding photos. Sure, you might be divorced now, but why even post that pic on a dating app?

The Mr Potato Head Disguise

We all remember the Mr Potato Head toy. You could change his appearance by adding a hat or glasses because at the end of the day, he was in fact, a head made out of a potato. So why is that guys think it’s ok to only show pictures of them in hats and sunglasses. I’m going to assume you hate the size of your square head and you have perpetual pink eye.

Snapchat Isn’t For Teenage Girls

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a cute Snapchat filter, but in moderation. However, what self respecting guy thinks a woman is going to crawl into bed with you when you have a picture of yourself in a flower headband?

The Entourage

Perhaps the quickest way to get me to swipe left are the countless photos of you and your entourage. Why, you ask? Because it’s never the hot surfer looking guy in the back who’s profile I’m on. It’s the sad guy on the end with the forced smile. You and your friends make a good looking group, but that’s false advertisement my friend. And I will not be party to that.

Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number

I am constantly amazed at the number of guys who feel the need to lie about their age. And you know who I’m talking about. You say that you’re 25 but your photos of are you at your 2017 prom, a cap and gown and sitting on Santa’s lap. Then, you have the nerve in your bio to say “BTW, I’m actually 18.” NOOOOOOO! I couldn’t tell.

In other words guys, leave the lying about age, height, weight and natural eyebrows to the ladies. And keep these little tips in mind if you want a girl to swipe right!!!


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