I am not a fan of the television herpes that is “The Bachelor’. But like any train wreck, I found myself mesmerized to watch some of it when it aired earlier this week. The first reason I don’t like it is an obvious one…there has never been a black Bachelor or Bachelorette, and all the dark people never make it pass episode 3. The other reason I am not a fan of the show, is that it highlights a major issue in this country that people continue to not discuss. Bad Flirting. How many sad lonely people must we see make a fool of themselves on television before something is done about this?
I am not saying I am an expert at flirting. I am simply saying, I am freakin amazing at it. What I am an expert at, is seeing crapping flirting. I recently went on a date and explained to the young gentleman, that there is a clear difference between a “Flirt” and “flirting”. He wanted to disagree with me. My argument is that a woman who is a self proclaimed “Flirt” is nothing more than a tease and in most cases, a sloppy tease at that. You know the girls. The ones who try WAY too hard to get you to get them AND their friends a drink. Yeah? Because you look two sheets to the wind, you have enough Clinque Happy on to kill a horse, you just stepped on his toes twice, AND you expect a guy to fall for that and get you a drink? I think not.
Now guys, I haven’t forgot about you. If you even think about using a pick up line, a smart woman will laugh in your face. Very rarely does this ever work. But the same goes for guys. But what I have found is the male flirt, though done well can be quite charming and sexy, just comes across a bit desperate and hilarious. The key to any bit of successful flirting lies simply in the level of confidence displayed by the flirter. Please realize there is a difference between confidence and arrogance. Many will say that men have a tendency to play the arrogance card strongly, but women can be guilty of it as well. If you are the girl who comes out within the first few minutes and says things like “Men are intimidated by me” you are just setting yourself up for failure. And no, men aren’t intimidated by you, you keep finding wimpy guys. Move on.
So what makes confident flirting? Easy, it lies in the little details. A hand touch here, a hair flip there, eye contact that is a mix of sincere and mysterious and above all…confidence. Everyone knows that dating can be scary at times. And not to let the cat out of the bag, but people will fail, fall flat on their face or be rejected. But you have to get back on that horse and continue to go through the motions until you find the one perfect for you.
Of course, to go out and flirt just for the sake of making it through a date, or to get dinner, is just sad. But hey, some people do it. But that isn’t what I am saying. I am saying, be aware of what you present to your next dater. Flirting at it’s core, is the smallest form of PR next to your appearance that you provide to signal that you are available, witty, smart and above all, not crazy. So start strong but within reason. I hate giving out some of my good stuff, but since we are friends, I will give you one of my best tactics. It starts with a killer outfit that highlights my best features but doesn’t look slutty. A confident walk, a big alluring smile, and finally when I have my prey in my sights I walk up to him and say “Hi. My name is Desiree.”