“Your Teeth are busted!” and other reasons I won’t date you

I get a bit annoyed with the countless essays, blogs and Cosmo quizzes on “What Women Want”. In case you never met a woman, we are very quick to tell you (whether you want to hear it or not) , what it is that we want. But just as important as what we are looking for in an ideal mate, or just a good date, is what we DON’T want. I posed this question to a few of my friends and some of the answers included:

  • Bad Teeth
  • Bad Shoes (Crocs or socks with sandals)
  • A Know It All
  • The Dumb Drunk
  • A Mama’s Boy
  • The Lazy Guy
  • The Sociopath (we have all dated one)
  • The Handy Man Challenged
  • and finally the Trailer Trash

Bad Date

 

If any of these apply to you, I am sorry to say, you are now voted off the island. As a side note ladies, please understand that a great deal of this applies to us as well. We are so ready to judge a man on the above qualities, but let’s not forget that many women can be found in this same list. The old excuse of “I just keep dating such jerks” can simply be rephrased in another way “What is up with me that I am dating the same type of guy?”

Maybe that’s it. Some women are refusing to take accountability of their mistakes. Because remember, we are never wrong. Well ladies, speaking as a confident Leo I am here to tell you, if you are dating the same type of guy and getting the same result, there is something WRONG with you. Now this doesn’t mean you are a horrible person, or you in fact deserve bad treatment. It just may mean that you need to alter your list of expectations.

Think of it this way. When you try on a pair of shoes that just aren’t right, you know very accurately what it is that you are looking for. “This heel is too much of a wedge. I want something more slender and in black”. When you come to this conclusion, you don’t continue to look for another wedge shoe. You zero in on what you DO want. If it’s a wedge you want, it’s a wedge you should wear.

So in the future ladies (and gents), define what it is you are looking for and just as important, what you don’t want. If the person doesn’t fit you, why bother? You are just wasting time on a shoe that doesn’t fit.

A Flirt and a Single Girl Walk Into a Bar….

I am not a fan of the television herpes that is “The Bachelor’. But like any train wreck, I found myself mesmerized to watch some of it when it aired earlier this week. The first reason I don’t like it is an obvious one…there has never been a black Bachelor or Bachelorette, and all the dark people never make it pass episode 3. The other reason I am not a fan of the show, is that it highlights a major issue in this country that people continue to not discuss. Bad Flirting. How many sad lonely people must we see make a fool of themselves on television before something is done about this?

I am not saying I am an expert at flirting. I am simply saying, I am freakin amazing at it. What I am an expert at, is seeing crapping flirting. I recently went on a date and explained to the young gentleman, that there is a clear difference between a “Flirt” and “flirting”. He wanted to disagree with me. My argument is that a woman who is a self proclaimed “Flirt” is nothing more than a tease and in most cases, a sloppy tease at that. You know the girls. The ones who try WAY too hard to get you to get them AND their friends a drink. Yeah? Because you look two sheets to the wind, you have enough Clinque Happy on to kill a horse, you just stepped on his toes twice, AND you expect a guy to fall for that and get you a drink? I think not.

Now guys, I haven’t forgot about you. If you even think about using a pick up line, a smart woman will laugh in your face. Very rarely does this ever work. But the same goes for guys. But what I have found is the male flirt, though done well can be quite charming and sexy, just comes across a bit desperate and hilarious. The key to any bit of successful flirting lies simply in the level of confidence displayed by the flirter. Please realize there is a difference between confidence and arrogance. Many will say that men have a tendency to play the arrogance card strongly, but women can be guilty of it as well. If you are the girl who comes out within the first few minutes and says things like “Men are intimidated by me” you are just setting yourself up for failure. And no, men aren’t intimidated by you, you keep finding wimpy guys. Move on.

i_was_born_to_flirt_button-p145287288051478448z745k_400

 

So what makes confident flirting? Easy, it lies in the little details. A hand touch here, a hair flip there, eye contact that is a mix of sincere and mysterious and above all…confidence. Everyone knows that dating can be scary at times. And not to let the cat out of the bag, but people will fail, fall flat on their face or be rejected. But you have to get back on that horse and continue to go through the motions until you find the one perfect for you.

Of course, to go out and flirt just for the sake of making it through a date, or to get dinner, is just sad. But hey, some people do it. But that isn’t what I am saying. I am saying, be aware of what you present to your next dater. Flirting at it’s core, is the smallest form of PR next to your appearance that you provide to signal that you are available, witty, smart and above all, not crazy. So start strong but within reason. I hate giving out some of my good stuff, but since we are friends, I will give you one of my best tactics. It starts with a killer outfit that highlights my best features but doesn’t look slutty. A confident walk, a big alluring smile, and finally when I have my prey in my sights I walk up to him and say “Hi. My name is Desiree.”

For my Parents Told Me So

My mom and step dad are pretty cool. That’s actually an understatement. They have been together for almost 20 years and have been married for 5. Most of their relationship was long distance and they made it work. My parents are flippin cool.

One night the topic of saying “I love you” came up and I was reminded of something I really miss. Sitting down and talking to my parents. No tv, no phone, no text, no games, just an evening in the living room and a great conversation. My stepdads theory was, that you should never say “I love you” to a person you don’t intend to marry. My mother and I were quick to disagree. “I have loved other men before you and said ‘I love you’ and meant it, but never married them.” my mom said. And I had to agree with her.

But my stepdad felt very strong about this. “People say ‘I love you’ sometimes too soon just because they think it’s what the other person wants to hear” he said. Hmmm. This is true. I think at some point in our lives, we have all been guilty of this. But my stepdads theory brought up an interesting question. What if we really did save those three little words to the person we want to ultimately marry? And what if the person you are with now, is great and amazing but you just aren’t sure about spending your life with him/her? Does that mean you can’t say “I love you” ?

I have been in love twice in my life. I have had great infatuations, wonderful lusts, terrific sex and memorable moments. But I have been ‘in love’…twice. Most people would say this makes me very lucky. Having said “I love you” to both men, I wonder if the person I am meant to be with deserves an “I love you.” If you feel like my stepdad, you would believe that it should only be said if he is Mr Right. If he is in fact my soul mate. But does the man before him deserve the same type of love, the same type of devotion, the same “I love you”?

One of the lessons I have come to value is the opinion of my parents. It’s something I have rolled my eyes at many times growing up, but one that still makes me smile when even I have to agree when they are right. Your homework tonight kids, is to talk to your parents and ask this simple loaded question “When should you say ‘I love you’ “? I think you will be amazed at the answers and I think you will learn a thing or two. Either way, turn off the tv, put down the cell phone and enjoy an evening with the people who made you who you are.

 

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