I was talking to a good friend of mine yesterday. Yes, he is a guy and no I haven’t slept with him. Get your mind out of the gutter. Any way, he asked me why women have such unrealistic views on romance. Unrealistic? Because we are surrounded by every stereotype of romance and love that the media shoves down our throat? Because we believe that romantic comedies are ALL based loosely on real life? Because we cry and know all the lines of Adele’s songs? Our views are unrealistic? Well, yea, they are.
CRAP! I gave it away. Ok. It’s quite simple. And to be honest, you boys have yourself to blame. Some women have unrealistic, hyperbole-esque views of romance because they feel the need to compensate what they AREN’T getting in a relationship. So it’s easy, give her what she needs and don’t worry when she freaks out that one of her girlfriends got flowers “Just Because” and you sent her a dancing rose cartoon on gchat.
Now, I will say this. And if you tell anyone, I will deny it with my last breath. I am an uber-romantic. I actually love that shit. I am what you call a non-traditional romantic. Yea…cards, flowers, candy and soft music are nice. But I love watching a sun rise on the roof of an office building that you have to break in to. (Yea-did it!) Or a random slow dance on the side of the road. (Did that too) But I do all those things for two reasons. The first- I feel like guys get the raw deal on the romance side of dating. We not only have these high expectations, but we put them out there for men to ultimately fail.
The second reason is the Golden Rule. “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.” Men are very visual creatures. They work very well by learning by example. So showing what romance means to you, or displaying things that you would enjoy for them, gives them a clue as to what you want. Remember, their biggest pet peeve about women is that we assume WAY too much. So stop assuming and start doing.
You want a night out dancing? Ask him. You want a romantic picnic? Do it. You want candles and soft music? Plan it. But remember, sometimes you have to put in the work to get the desired outcome. So stop making the poor guy feel guilty. He isn’t dumb, but he may need a little coaching.