Yes. I have been gone for a while. And to be honest…I missed you! But I figure, for my 1st post since my little hiatus, I would give you something juicy. Ok, for all you straight men, you are going to want to stop reading, right about NOW!
There is nothing more delicious than the carnal anticipation of sex. And the anticipation of GREAT sex, well, that’s just sublime. So imagine my two, TWO let downs. Now, I in no way and commenting that I am the greatest sexual goddess since lube in the bedroom. But I am saying, well, if you get to ride the ride, I aim to leave you with a smile on your face. First off, this post will strike directly to the hearts, egos and crotch of every man who thinks he is “The S&*%”. Second, the idea that a man can make up for size with technique, I think I am officially putting that to bed…pun intended.
So, when you go out for a night on the town, looking hot and knowing it, you are bound to attract attention. Attention, we shall call him “The Kid”. Why “The Kid”? Because he was 7 years younger than me. Yea, I almost lost it. But hey, tall, handsome, great smile, killer outfit…I’m a sucker. I will say, the coolest move performed that night was by yours truly. After party drinks at his place and the jazz station on Pandora, I asked him to dance with me in his living room. It proved to be a helluva first kiss and you know how I feel about the young…they must be taught.
INSERT DISAPPOINTMENT: The size/height theory in men plays like this…Tall man, long… Short man…well, you know. Any way, the young man, a good 6’0 caught me totally by surprise. He totally disproved my theory. Not that this hasn’t happened before, but good heavens, what do I do with you now?
30 Minutes Later….
After some of my best acting work since college, I playfully tell him that I am sad I could not do my coolest trick, popping my jaw out from its socket. To which he replied the beautiful unspoken truth of the night “We’re adults here, so let’s be honest. Not like I have anything worth you popping your jaw out for.” Truer words have never been spoken young man…
The second disappointment came from a third date. Again, young man (What the hell am I going to do with someone under 30?) Three fabulous dates, three awesome good bye kisses and the build up was kind of insane. I will say this, he has studied the art of great foreplay and I would proudly give him an “A”. However, call me a Size Snob if you want, I will freely admit to it. On the plus side, its good to see that some of the young are practicing good technique.
UPDATE: Do not fret young ones. Remember I said, there is nothing more sublime than the anticipation of GREAT sex. Well, color me sublimely happy and I guess that makes up for the immaturity of youth. So here is to a Happy New Years kiddies. Remember, if you are going to play, play safe and appreciate great sex, for it could be your last….until the next one…