Say Anything

Sorry ladies, this is not a post about my love for the Jon Cusack movie. Or a story about a guy I dated who did something as romantic as standing out my window with a boom box playing Peter Gabriel. Sadly, this is a post about a sad, but interesting dating truth.

When I was young, my mother was very open with me when it came to sex and dating. Most might think that’s odd, but it was a great tactic. For her, she wanted me to know that if I ever had a question about sex and relationships, I should be honest and talk to her, no matter how silly or embarassing it might seem. And guess what, it worked. Of course years later, she would come to me with questions and there is nothing more bizarre than having to clarify to your mother what “tea bagging” means.

One of the many lessons my mother taught me was the “Say Anything” theory. One summer we sat and talked about relationships and the difference between having sex and making love. Note: There is a very clear difference between the two, and if you don’t believe it now, you soon will. My mother then told me of this theory. When it comes to sex, a man will say anything to get you in bed. They will promise you the moon and the stars, build an imaginary future, quote poems or a Dave Matthews song. In short there is nothing a man WON’T say to get the panties to drop. I have to admit, it’s pretty genius. It’s like the ultimate car salesman tactic. The scary thing is, we fall for it each time.

There is actually a part of each woman that knows this theory to be true. Yet we fall for it each time. And why do we fall for it? Because there is a little girl inside of us that is screaming “But he is different! He means it! He must REALLY REALLY like me” Oh no boo boo. He must really like and want the cookie. And he does. But here is the problem with this theory on the male point, why use the line? Why go through all that effort? Why jeopardize your conscience and soul just to sleep with us? Can you think of a better approach? That’s right…you can’t. Because each one of us ladies have had the direct approach. The guy who flirts with you, chemistry goes off and at the end of the date he gives you the coded “Your place or mine?” line.

And what do we do? We run for this hills, warn all of our girl friends, and laugh in your face. So at the end of the day, the men have no choice but to do the “Say Anything” line(s). But ladies, must we fall for it? No. We can simply recognize it for what it is, an invitation to get us in bed, and leave it at that. Then again, we ladies can say anything to get you to believe that it was worth it. But we would never fake something like that….would we?

You Think Like a Dude

There are two very distinct sides to my social make up. I am lucky that I have the greatest girlfriends in the world. I also belong to the BEST sorority there is. With that said, my girls always have my back. From the craziest of relationship issues, to the hardest of personal times, they are the women I admire and love dearly….
…then….there’s the flip. I am the woman who has a tendency to have more male friends that I think is allowed in the realm of dating. And not just friends that I went to college with, I mean the kind of guys that I can call balling my eyes out over a heart break and they are prepared to kick the guys ass,  and then the guys who encourage me to take that 4th shot of Jager just to see the end result. Because of them, I am a truly lucky girl.
I have to say, I have learned a great deal from both sets of friends. The empathy and compassion of my girls and the realistic yet carnal side of my homeboys. But I find when it comes to dating, I get the same response from both of them…”You think like a dude!”
I am sure you have heard this phrase before. Perhaps someone has even uttered it about you. But what does it really mean? Is it a bad thing? I like to think that it isn’t. For me, when the “dude” in me kicks in, it is usually telling me:
A) The Truth
B) The thing I DON’T want to hear
C) and finally, the thing that my girls will lie about, just because we don’t want to hurt each other
There is also the physical aspect of “The Dude”. So I am going to let you men in on a little secret that you are not to repeat to any girl. There are times, like you, where we could really care less about a relationship. At the end of the day, we just want to sleep with you. It’s usually something that you idiots do to screw that up. Like admitting you really like us, or you want to abstain from sex. Who does that?
For me, when that part of the “The Dude” comes into play, I am pretty much ok with it. And, in true dude fashion, depending on the sex, will determine if I pick up the phone and ever call you back or pretend like the whole thing never happened. But here is where society has issues with this concept. When a guy does it, he’s a player, and that’s cool. When a girl does it, she’s a slut, and that is not cool.
So here is the real for 2011. If I am acting like a dude, take credit men, that I am allowing that insecure girl in me to die. I am allowing myself to say, it is ok to go for what I want, and like a man, not stop until I get it. That if I am going to find a real challenger in this dating world, it better be a man that can go balls to balls with me. And like a true WOMAN, I will end up VICTORIOUS!