A Girl and her Toys

A few days ago I had the horrorific experience of having a vibe die mid session. It of course was my own fault because I am the worst about charging them. Mainly because I leave them out and I hate the idea of my fiance seeing them and thinking “Oh, she’s charging Larry.” So of course this happened recently and I found myself slightly embarrassed. But not for me, but for him. I never want him to think that my toys are a replacement for him. They are however, an enhancement.

Now I fully understand that I am not like most women where using toys is not a norm. And I also understand that the idea of using toys can seem a bit defeating for some men. But I am here to get you on game for the benefits of bringing some playful vibes in the bedroom.

  • Variety is the Spice of Life: There is something to be said about knowing your partners moves, before they event execute them. And why is that? Because you have found yourself in a sex routine. That’s where a great toy can add something new to their rotation. Bringing in a little (or a large) toy for extra fun, is like when your teacher rolls out the VHS cart in homeroom. You know it’s gonna be a good day.
  • Make it for his and her pleasure: Toys are not strictly for women. Though some are marketed as such, there are many which feature dual action that both partners can enjoy. Take a look for those that are good for both men and women and give them a try.
  • It’s Getting Hot in Hereeeee: You are already hot and bothered, so why not get hotter. “The Drift” by Lora DiCarlo is my favorite warming vibe. You heard me…warming. It produces just enough warmth to give an amazing sensation causing some mind blowing orgasms.
  • Go out and Shop: If you happen to live in an area where there are adult stores, take a little shopping trip..together! It may seem awkward at first, and yes, there may be some giggles, but I believe you may be surprised at how your shopping trip ends. And be sure to ask the staff for advice. They are there to help.
  • Finally, solo play together: Sometimes the best way to explain to your partner what you like, is to actually show them. So why not do some solo play with your partner watching. Not only that, try doing this together. The visual of watching each other turn yourselves on brings in all sorts of mental, visual and sexual stimulation that we sometimes forget in intimacy. So show them what you turns you on and really pay attention, and listen, to your partner.

Setting Relationship Goals

With the start of each new year, we are quick to create goals for self improvement. But what about goals if you are in a relationship or building towards a relationship? Recently I spoke to my fiancé about setting weekly goals. Tasks that we want to accomplish for ourselves in the upcoming week. Then I thought of the importance of doing the same as a couple.

We went to a local restaurant and brainstormed on not only things we wanted to accomplish that week, but also things for the upcoming few months. It was great to bounce ideas off of each other. But there is also something to be said about setting clear goals within your relationship. So here are few questions to sit and discuss with your partner broken down to one week, three months and six month goals.

And if you do try this with your partner, please tell me how it helped.

Happy Goal Setting!

One Week Goals:

  • What is something that you have been putting off that I can help you with?
  • What is something new we can try this week?
  • What did you learn this week that helped you either personally or professionally?
  • When did I make you feel most loved?

Three Month Goals:

  • What has made you the most proud?
  • What do you need more of from me?
  • How can I motivate you?
  • How is our intimacy and what would you change?

Six Month Goals:

  • What are you afraid to tell me?
  • What does the next six month look like for us?
  • How much closer to your own dreams do you feel and how can I help?
  • How are we better than where we were six months ago?

The Sex Drought

Sometimes, every once in a while, maybe more often then we desire or plan, you encounter a sex drought. There can be many reasons for this. I work in an industry that is season based. And when work is busier for me, the last thing on my mind is sex. Actually, that’s a lie. I think about it a lot because I miss it. Over time, you may encounter that there are differences between losing desire or just not having time. Either way, a drought may come upon you and your partner. When this happens, what do you do and how do you address it?

A sex drought can be the ultimate elephant in the room. And over time, it’s a conversation that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later. It’s one of the classic hard topics that any couple may face and one that can sometimes trigger deeper issues. But there is no denying the importance of sex or intimacy in relationship. Anytime I have found myself in a drought, I have been fortunate to have a partner who is receptive to conversation. Recently my health has been a factor. So I am grateful to someone who is understanding in that regard. But if bringing it up in conversation is hard, what should you do?





  1. Acknowledge the issue, don’t judge it. Too often when we bring up difficult subjects, our partner may go on the defensive. Sometimes this to protect them, sometimes it’s to deflect. Either way, try first giving face to the issue that it is present and not saying from which side it is coming from. Maybe you both work too much. Maybe you are both tired. Or maybe. it’s one or the other. Either way, saying that you recognize the drought is step one. From there, you can start moving on what to do change it.
  2. What’s the REAL reason? I have mentioned work a lot. But let’s be honest, work isn’t going to change. So is there something deeper that is causing a pause in the bedroom? Are you feeling less desirable? Are you feeling guilty because you are busy? Is it the kids? Are you in a different mental space? This is the question you have to first really look internally for the answer before addressing it with your partner. And then, you have to be honest with whatever truth comes out.
  3. Do you even care to get out of the drought? When you think about those old cartoons of characters being stuck in a desert, the mirage of water is always their salvation. They hallucinate to the point of hysteria because that is their ultimate goal: water! They want to be saved in order to get out of the drought. So do you want to get out? Or is this a deeper look into what is causing a shift in your relationship. Many have said that when the sex and intimacy goes, love goes. I don’t think that is true. Not totally. There are ways to look at how to move past a drought to make a relationship stronger than ever. However, there are ways to look at a drought as the beginning of the end. If that is the case….
  4. Finding resolution. Like most relationship issues, there is an answer. Maybe not a clear one. In the case of a sexual drought, the first answer may be to address it head on, and make steps to bring sexy back. It can be a scheduled date night (which I am here to say, I am totally for. Especially if you spend the whole day sexting in preparation.) Or it may be therapy. Either way, start with step one. The answer may not even be in the bedroom. It may be in recharging your intimacy, or getting in touch with some of your deeper desires. Either way, find your way to the watering hole. And you and your partner can enter into a beautiful oasis.

Cheers to 2021!

If you’re like me, you spent 2021 thinking “Uhhh, so that was cute.” And not in a good way. But you also thought that for a moment, at least it wasn’t 2020. It is sad commentary that we have to look at life through COVID tinted lenses, but here we are. So what do you do for 2022, and how can you find your own silver lining?

If you are like me, you are not a fan of resolutions. To be honest, I am not sure if I ever kept one in my life. Which is why I just say “Screw It.” But I saw something recently that did get me a bit excited and perhaps may inspire you. First, write down 5 good things you accomplished this past year. And I don’t mean, you got to try that new restaurant. Things that made you happy/proud. Then think back on those five things. How did you get there? How did you feel when it was done? How did others feel if it was something noticeable?

Then write down 5 things for 2022. Something to accomplish in one week, one month, one season, one year and that big dream goal. You know, the one you keep saying you will do one day. The one week goal can be something that you can do and accomplish at any week of the year. The same goes for your one month and one season. Don’t feel like all of your eggs need to be in your January basket. Because if you are like me, shedding off holiday food and booze is priority one for the New Year.

Next, put your goals in a place that you will see often but not get overwhelmed by. If you are able to make it a background on your phone, great. And then celebrate when you accomplish that goal. And I mean celebrate. Whether you take yourself out to dinner or get your nails done, sleep in an hour late or just cry alone in a closet out of happiness, truly recognize what you accomplished and be proud of your hard work.

One of the things I did learn this year, is that I need to start being proud of my own accomplishments rather than others being proud for me. My friends and family saw the work pay off, but no one knew the behind the scenes. The countless no’s. The articles that didn’t work or the clients I wanted to work with but never did. But those small victories, I did praise like they were big ones. Because it was a goal I had and I made it come true.

So for 2022, challenge yourself to praise the little with the large. Set achievable goals. And if by the end of the year you have met them, shout it from the roof tops! But, if you did not, do NOT beat yourself over it. Look at what you did accomplish. Look at how close you were. Maybe your goal somehow turned into another that you never planned on achieving. Either way, you woke up, started a new day and didn’t give up. Phew, that’s about as meta as I can get. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s almost Brunch O’clock and I’m sure there is a Mimosa that needs my undivided attention.

Cheers to you all and Happy New Year!

Product Review: Mixly Cocktail Company

We all know that I am huge fan of whiskey and tequila. The majority of the time I enjoy them on their own because I don’t do a lot of cocktails. And the few I enjoy, are very standard to those two liquors. I either go classic with an Old Fashioned or simple with Tequila on the rocks, splash of soda and a slice of lime. For me, I like a cocktail that isn’t too busy and tastes great.

So color me surprised when I got to try the amazing cocktail mixers from Mixly Cocktail Company. This woman owned brand specializes in creating mixers with fresh, high quality ingredients, that not only smell amazing but taste amazing. There is no juice from concentrate, so you get a crisp taste as if you made the mixers in your own home. And what’s even better, they work great with or without alcohol.

I had the pleasure to chat with Founder Johnna Rossbach about her brand. Created with friends, they wanted to create a business and a brand surrounded by fun. Big fans of cocktails, they noticed that the mixer category was a bit outdated. So along with their mixologist friends, Mixly was born. What I also love about this brand besides the taste, is that it is helmed by a woman. When asked how she felt about being in the boys club of liquors, Johnna said “I’m so proud to be a female owned and operated brand in a male dominated category. The tides are changing. Retailers are starting to understand they’re missing a critical female perspective, and when they add female focused brands, they sell.”

Johnna and her team sent three of their mixers to enjoy. The Strawberry Pomegranate, Pear Honey Vanilla Lime and Grapefruit Jalapeño. Since I received them in time to enjoy while recording an episode of my podcast, I made a cocktail for myself and for my fiancé and co-host. For him I used the Pear Honey Vanilla Lime and mixed it with Gin. I finished it off with a splash of Elderflower liqueur for a added touch of sweetness. This drink tasted like summertime and was crisp as it was delicious.

For yours truly, I used the spicy but not overpowering, Grapefruit Jalapeño with vodka. Because there is a little kick, I added tonic water to top off my drink. And since I love raspberries, a small splash of Chambord. If you like a bold cocktail, this is the one for you. Side note: we both can’t wait to try the Grapefruit Jalapeño with Tequila. I’m thinking a touch of Grand Marnier as well!

What is also cool about all of the Mixly Cocktail mixers, is they taste just as good with or without alcohol. So if you are doing Dry January, snag a bottle and use with tonic or soda water or with an NA based cocktail. And since it is the season of giving, if you would like to grab a bottle and get a discount as well, you can use my code DESIREE15 on their site at checkout (www.mixlycocktailco.com). Be sure to give them a try and get creative on your own. As always, drink responsibly. Cheers!

Full Griswold…or “How to Not Let the Holidays Ruin Your Relationship.”

On a recent episode of our podcast “Break Bottles, Not Hearts” http://www.anchor.fm/desiree-simone1, we talked about the stress the holidays bring not only on ourselves but our relationships. Whether it’s your parents, siblings, work colleagues or your significant other, this time of year has a tendency to make us go “Full Griswold.”

Much like the lovable dad, Clark Griswold in “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” we have the greatest of intentions when it comes to making a memorable holiday for the ones we love. But outside forces, sometimes far from our own control, conspire against us. So what do you do when this happens, and how can you prevent it from ruining this magical time of year?

  • Back away from the Turkey!: Or as I like to call it “A Reset”. One of the first stress factors during the holidays is the additional people in your personal space. Many of us do not have the luxury of a large home, so you are literally on top of each other. No wonder you want to punch your drunk cousin in the face. When this happens, back away. Simply remove yourself from the space. Take a walk, go for a drive, visit your local bar. Remove yourself for a time from the situation and try to remember, they won’t be there forever.
  • Taboo or Not Taboo: There are usually a few things that every family knows you can’t just bring up in conversation. From the cousin who always brings his “friend” to the political topic of the day, you may find some comfort in enforcing a Taboo Rule. Meaning, these are what we will not discuss in order for us all to enjoy a good meal. And if some people have a hard time obeying this rule, simply ignore them. Or in my case, be incredibly sarcastic. It’ll really pisses them off.
  • Keep it Small: Though you love your family and all 20 cousins, sometimes you don’t need to see them all. If the pandemic taught us anything, it’s that a small gathering can be just as much fun, and less stress, than a big one. So even though borders are opening, your home can remain somewhat close. Keep your entertaining minimal to keep your fun at a maximum.
  • Just Say No: Ok, I will admit, this is a hard one for me. But when the time and the occasion call for it, “No” is a perfectly good response. “Can we bring the pasta salad?” No Shelia, you add raisins to it! “Will it be ok if we come two days earlier?” How about, No! You have 48 hours in my home and that includes entering and exiting. “Would you mind if…” No Karen! To whatever you are going to ask me. Sometimes in the interest of family and sanity, you have to put your foot down and say “No”. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you someone who wants to protect their piece.
  • Let the Classics remain the Classics: I was dating a guy a few years ago and I had this wonderful idea of making the most perfect Christmas for his family and mine. I had this insane notion because I grew up with such amazing memories around the holidays. But it wasn’t until I became an adult in a pseduo-healthy relationship, did I realize that those memories were the work of holiday geniuses far stronger than me. Women who had years of “Better Homes and Garden” conditioning that I could never live up to, who cleverly hid their stress under petticoats and Cognac. In other words, the age old idea of the “Picture Perfect Christmas” is just that…old. Let it die along with the pressures of feeling like you have to live up to your mother, his mother or your grandmothers expectations. It’s great to pass on those traditions that bring nostalgia, but I’m here to tell you that anxiety, shouldn’t be one of them.

At the end of the day, may your days be merry and bright. And may all your holidays end with wine!

The Sunken Place

I was 12 years old when I wrote my first suicide note and 31 when I wrote my last one. Yea, that happened. Both 12 year old me and 31 year old me had very different pain, that they tried desperately to hide from the world. Until, in their opinion, it was too much to bear. To say I have had to battle depression and anxiety, is an understatement. It is a battle I deal with to this day. And one I don’t often share.

I also never ever shared it with any of my previous partners. Until my fiancee. We had been together for about four months when I had an anxiety attack that I cleverly concealed with shots of tequila. What can I say? (Patron is a coping mechanism.) But then I thought “If I love this man, he has to see this part of me.” He had to see and understand my past pain and traumas. So I sat him down and told him everything. I put a ridiculous amount of pressure on myself both personally and professionally and sometimes, it’s too much.

I can’t please everyone but I also want so badly to do so.

Sometimes I cry, for no reason. Sometimes I am unkind for no reason.

Sometimes I need help, but I am ashamed to ask.

This was all new to me, but also important. I needed him to see this side of me and to know what to do when I would find myself in The Sunken Place. Sometimes it’s a memory or social media or something in my environment that causes me to spiral. But more often than not, it comes out of no where. It creeps in and I don’t know what to do. And I need a safety net.

I needed to tell him because I needed him to know that sometimes when I’m trying to be strong for him, I am trying so hard to be strong for myself. And sometimes, it’s too hard to do that silently. When I had another anxiety attack I told him “Somethings wrong. I don’t feel happy and I don’t want to hurt myself, But I am scared and I don’t know what to do.” He asked what he could do and I cried and said “Just hold me.”

It may be the hardest thing in the world to open up to your partner and tell them what you need. And it may seem like you feel you have failed when you show your vulnerable side. But that is bullshit! They are your partner for a reason. They love the beautiful and the not so beautiful. You should never be afraid to ask for help. You should never be afraid to say “I can’t carry this alone.” And most importantly, never be afraid to say you aren’t happy and you just need to be held.

There is strength in admitting you need help. And there is love in the people who give it to you.

Lora Dicarlo, drift review

I love nothing more than a bad ass woman on a mission. And bonus if that mission is for the better pleasure of other bad ass women. I know, it sounds like what would be the first lines of my autobiography but it isn’t. And for once, I’m sharing the spotlight to a well deserved, hard working pioneer in the sexual health sector. Lora DiCarlo started her company in 2017 when she saw a need for products made by women, for women. Her first device won great acclaim and even a Robotics Innovation Award from the Consumer Technology Association. An award that they would later take back. (Facepalm)

No bother. Lora continued and worked hard to create a brand that has grown over the years to a multi-million dollar company. And now with Co-Owner and Creative Advisor, Model and Actress Cara Delevingne, she plans to continue educating women and creating state of the art adult products, that fuse technology with human touch and movement.

I got a chance to try one of their most popular products, The Drift.

As a woman with a background in Public Relations and a self professed design nerd, the first thing that got me excited, was the packaging. I know, it sounds cheesy. But it would make sense later on. The packaging was sleek, clean lines, felt amazing, easy to read and just flowed. Again, I know I sound like a nerd. But in a world where many adult toys are made and designed by men, when I can say I am impressed by just the box, you already have me sold.

The Drift is a handheld bullet vibrator with heat feature. Yes. IT HEATS UP! It retails at $95.00, features 3 vibrating patterns, 7 intensity settings and is waterproof. Psssttt, did I mention it heats up? Perfect for solo or couple use, this is device that will quickly become your new best friend.

Now, as I always like to do and as I have always done with this blog, I like to talk about honest, real world experiences. So just go with me on this, ok? THIS THING IS SO FREAKIN AWESOME. Ok, first, super easy to charge (it comes with a USB charger that takes about an hour). It also comes in a lovely discreet storage bag (though if you come over to my place, I’m always the first person to tell you to never look in my nightstand unless you want to be equal parts surprised and impressed). When I say I couldn’t wait to try this, I really couldn’t. My fiance and I both enjoyed it.

It was a great toy during foreplay and the warming sensation, which is just above the normal body temp, felt amazing when used externally. As for during sex, it provided an equal amount of pleasure for both myself and fiance. (I’ll say this, low setting, your mans taint…thank me later). Now I understand that some people may frown at the price and to be honest, I totally get it. You’re talking to a girl who made a yearly purchase of those $30 bullets powered by those tiny watch batteries. But when I say this is an investment, it truly is.

For one, it’s longer lasting, will give you far better experiences, is great for both you AND your partner and the thing heats up for crying out loud! I also got the Foaming Anti Bacterial Cleaner which has a light and refreshing Tea Tree scent. Side Note: always clean your toys! In other words, the Drift is a toy that I am sure will become one of your favorite pleasure products. You can check out the Drift and purchase your own at http://www.loradicarlo.com/drift. And if you try it out, tell me what you think. In the meantime, let’s raise a glass to Lora and Cara, and to all those bad ass women giving us the best sex of our lives!

can you be friends with your ex?

I know! This is a highly loaded question. Mainly because I feel as if people have very strong feelings about the topic. And as well they should. Full disclosure- this is also a hot button topic between my fiancee and I. In truth, there should be no reason to be friends with an ex. For whatever reason, the relationship has failed/ended. So why keep a friendship after dating has ran its course?

So let’s look at this from both sides. I’m the kind of person that when we are done, we are sooooo DONE! I’ve deleted your contact, photos, songs that remind me of you. That’s it. For some people, that is the only way to heal and move on. But there are a few cases where before a relationship developed, there was a friendship. And no, I don’t mean a FWB kind of thing. I mean a “call me when you need a ride home from a creepy date.” or a “my family member died.” kind of friendship. I can think of two such men who fit this description.

Yes, there may have been a romantic past, but it doesn’t change the fact that we have genuinely been there for each other, years after said relationship was over. I mean, if it can happen in TV sitcoms, why can’t it work in real life?

On the flip side, I also understand that things change when sex is involved. And more importantly once you have had an intimate connection what is to say it won’t come back again. My fiance’s argument goes back to the “Can you be friends with the opposite sex?”. Meaning, it is hard for a man to be friends with a woman and not have some desire to be with her. As he put it, if given the opportunity, men would cross the line of friendship to gain something more. I would also like to argue that the same could be done vice versa. I have had male friends that once they became single, I made a move on. But we both wanted to keep the friendship rather than lose it.

So who wins the argument? Can you really be friends with your ex? I say it boils down to a few factors. First, communicating with your partner about the nature of your relationship/friendship. I can’t say in a perfect world that your man and your ex will watch football together, but your man does need to know that the friendship is not a threat.

Next, is time. For me, my two male friends are people I have known for over 20 years and the time we were together was almost 20 years ago. If there is a good amount of time between when you were dating, compared to your current relationship, this may make having the friendship a bit more palatable. And finally, the importance of the friendship vs the relationship. If it is a true friend, he or she may understand that out of respect to your partner, your friendship may need to take a back seat. It may help to avoid temptation, but it may also help in showing your partner your priority.

In the end, having the difficult conversation about your ex’s role in your life, is the best way to start. By all means, don’t bully your partner in seeing your point. But rather with any argument, step back and listen to their concerns. At the end of the day, choose love, over everything else!

Would You rather? Couples edition

During quarantine, I like much of the world, became obsessed with ways to pass the time. I am happy to report that I made only one loaf of bread. My fiancee and I did find ways to entertain ourselves by playing games. Whether it was board games or video games, it may the time stuck at home a bit bearable. I will also admit, that I come from a family that enjoys playing games and finds great joy in being competitive. There may or may not have been a Spades game circa ’78 where my mother and uncle didn’t talk for weeks.

Recently, getting into a normal routine post quarantine, I found myself missing the times my fiancee and I would play games. And it made me think of something fun that we could do. And then I remembered one of my favorite kids games… “Would You Rather.” I’m not gonna bore you with some concept of rules because it’s quite simple. You’re given two choices and you pick which one you’d rather do. And since I have a sex and dating blog, it only makes sense that my questions were a bit more adult in nature.

So if you are dying for a fun night in with your significant other, trying using the below questions. Feel free to let me know how you did. Oh, and for extra fun, make it a drinking game. If you wouldn’t do either question, take a shot!

Play on!

  1. Would you rather loudly orgasm every time you coughed, or cum every time you sneezed?
  2. Would you rather sleep with someone on the first date, or wait three months?
  3. Would you rather have unbelievable sex that lasts ten minutes or average sex that lasts an hour?
  4. Would you rather have sex with the lights on or off?
  5. Would you rather have sex on the kitchen table or in the shower?
  6. Would you rather accidentally send a naughty pic to your boss or your mom?
  7. Would you rather say your ex’s name during sex or your partner’s best friends name?
  8. Would you rather wrestle naked with your partner in jello or pudding?
  9. Would you rather use hot wax or ice cubes?
  10. Would you rather nipple sized fingers or finger sized nipples?
  11. Would you rather french kiss Betty White or Miley Cyrus?
  12. Would you rather walk in on your parents having sex or them walking in on you?
  13. Would you rather sweat a lot during sex or have horrible dry mouth?
  14. Would you rather pay for sex, or have someone pay you?
  15. Would you rather have your partner sleep with your best friend, or your enemy?
  16. Would you rather have a one night stand with someone who was super hot, or someone who was great in bed?
  17. Would you rather your partner be an ex-porn star or your sibling be an ex porn star?
  18. Would you rather be someone who cums too quickly or someone who never cums?
  19. Would you rather have sex with Rihanna or watch her have sex with your partner?
  20. Would you rather have sex with someone who was a biter or screamer?